Adulting so hard right now

I have a confession to make.

I’m scared of my kids.

Not like, boo, creepy scared.

More just scared of the unknown.  Scared of things being out of control.  Scared of tantrums.  Scared of meltdowns.  Scared of getting ourselves into a situation that I can’t get us out of. Continue reading

Hold the Owl

Do you ever find yourself holding back a little because of your kids?  Sort of deferring to their enjoyment?

No, you get up there, I don’t need to press my nose to the glass at the aquarium.  No, you go on the ride, I’ll watch you.

Some of these things make sense because I don’t really want to do them.

Other times . . . I don’t know.  Maybe a part of me wants to, but I’ve convinced myself I don’t?  Maybe I just worry what other people will think?

Maybe my default is just not to do the things now.

Hmm.  I don’t love that.

I do get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing my kids do stuff.  Tons.  Seeing them figure it out.  Seeing their little faces light up with joy.  Seeing them experience stuff for the first time.  It’s pretty special.

We were in Malta last week.  This trip we visited the Malta Falconry Centre.  We saw the 11:00 AM show.

As a part of the show, they offered to let us put on the leather glove and hold an owl.  The boys were excited, and I was glad they were able to do it.  I was worried they would be too small.

Then they offered me the glove.

My first thought was to demur.  No, I shouldn’t hold up the show.  No, I already had my fun getting to see the kids.  Nonononono.

Then I looked around and thought, “There are 12 people here.  They are all holding the owl.  You aren’t holding up the show.  Just do it.”

So I put on the glove, and the owl perched on my hand.  And I giggled with joy.  The same sort of giggle that escaped my mouth during the barrel race in Montepulciano.  Just an excitement that things like this exist in the world.

So this is me recommitting myself.   Enjoy the kids, but get in the game.  Heck yes, I want to hold the owl!

(Owl pic on my Instagram.  I’ve tried embedding it here 5x, but I can’t get it to work.)

Two Things that are Harder than I Realized

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So . . . we went to Malta last month.  I promise to talk more about it soon.  (Short recap:  it was awesome, surprisingly kid friendly, you should totes to it.  Oh, and I flew by myself with the chitlins.  What???)

Being there made me realize some things though.  Just like it is OK to admit things can be hard, I think it is OK to acknowledge that some things are tougher than I realized.

Continue reading