Since we’ve been here, I’ve been learning some new skills. Sadly, I don’t think these would turn heads on a resume. Which is a shame, because I have been putting in HOURS of practice honing these skillz.
I can now:
- produce a snack from somewhere on my person in any situation.
- produce a tissue from somewhere my person in any situation.
- get about seven million blows out of said tissue.
- recite all the words to Mater’s Tall Tales.
- recite all the words to various Winnie the Pooh episodes.
- recite all the words to Frozen.
- sing all the songs in Frozen better than Broadway stars in my own mind.
- pour out the exact amount of laundry detergent without looking at the line.
- produce edible food for four people regardless of the state of our fridge and pantry.
- feed myself and two other people simultaneously, sometimes while loading or unloading the dishwasher.
- fasten the baby into a carrier by myself, even while wearing my thickest coat.
I’m also working on badly aligned weight training and negotiating with irrational people. Maybe a next career as a bouncer? Yes, ma’am, I’m sure you ARE very important, but you’re not on the list.