Since we’ve been here, I’ve been learning some new skills.  Sadly, I don’t think these would turn heads on a resume.  Which is a shame, because I have been putting in HOURS of practice honing these skillz.

I can now:

• produce a snack from somewhere on my person in any situation.
• produce a tissue from somewhere my person in any situation.
• get about seven million blows out of said tissue.
• recite all the words to Mater’s Tall Tales.
• recite all the words to various Winnie the Pooh episodes.
• recite all the words to Frozen.
• sing all the songs in Frozen better than Broadway stars in my own mind.
• pour out the exact amount of laundry detergent without looking at the line.
• produce edible food for four people regardless of the state of our fridge and pantry.
• feed myself and two other people simultaneously, sometimes while loading or unloading the dishwasher.
• fasten the baby into a carrier by myself, even while wearing my thickest coat.

I’m also working on badly aligned weight training and negotiating with irrational people.  Maybe a next career as a bouncer?  Yes, ma’am, I’m sure you ARE very important, but you’re not on the list.