Resume padding

Since we’ve been here, I’ve been learning some new skills.  Sadly, I don’t think these would turn heads on a resume.  Which is a shame, because I have been putting in HOURS of practice honing these skillz.

I can now:

  • produce a snack from somewhere on my person in any situation.
  • produce a tissue from somewhere my person in any situation.
  • get about seven million blows out of said tissue.
  • recite all the words to Mater’s Tall Tales.
  • recite all the words to various Winnie the Pooh episodes.
  • recite all the words to Frozen.
  • sing all the songs in Frozen better than Broadway stars in my own mind.
  • pour out the exact amount of laundry detergent without looking at the line.
  • produce edible food for four people regardless of the state of our fridge and pantry.
  • feed myself and two other people simultaneously, sometimes while loading or unloading the dishwasher.
  • fasten the baby into a carrier by myself, even while wearing my thickest coat.

I’m also working on badly aligned weight training and negotiating with irrational people.  Maybe a next career as a bouncer?  Yes, ma’am, I’m sure you ARE very important, but you’re not on the list.

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