As I’m writing this, we in Malaysia are a few days into our “lockdown” which is actually a restricted movement order to try to flatten the curve.  Schools are closed.  Almost everything is closed.  You can go to grocery stores and some restaurants.  (We haven’t tried yet.)  Food delivery is available, but grocery store delivery times are booked for days straight.  Police have checkpoints around to make sure that people are staying home and not congregating.

All of us around the world are living in a strange time.  An unprecedented time.  A challenging time.  A time with a lot of uncertainty.

Our strangeness is compounded because we were already living with an unusual time.  Our tour in Kuala Lumpur is nearly finished.  We are due to leave at the start of June.  This means that our time has become increasingly dominated by logistics.  Dealing with sorting and packing our things.  Dealing with an exciting summer in the States of seeing family, but one that also comes with a lot of logistics and the stress of being homeless for a few months.  Preparing for our next tour which is set to be in England.

Besides the logistics, there is the hefty emotional toll.  For almost three years, this has been our home.  We have to say goodbye to many dear friends.  We have to upend our routines.  As the boys are getting older, it is more difficult for them to leave a school they have enjoyed and all of their friends.  We love being able to live overseas, but this is the really hard part.

We were starting to enter into the “this could be the last” phase.  Right before lockdown, we had a last trip to Fraser’s Hill, which has been a beloved weekend getaway during our time here.   We aren’t quite there yet, but each visit to a restaurant, a park, an anything has us wondering will this be the final time there?  I was planning a going away party and other going away fun.  Now, not so much.

Supposedly, we are still set to leave on time.  But who knows.  Right now the coming weeks (and months, eep) are up in the air.  For everyone.

I’m trying not to, but I can’t help freaking out about that.  Not knowing what is going on in this crazy world is hard enough.  Not knowing what is going on, and then feeling like you don’t have a home on top of it?  Not ideal.

But then I vacillate to gratitude.  We are SO very fortunate.  My little family is all together.  We are not in a heartbreaking situation of losing our jobs or not having enough food.  We are very very very lucky.  I know this.  I tell myself that all I have to do at the moment is stay at home with my family.  That’s it.  I can do this.  That is all I need to worry about at the moment.

And it’s OK to both acknowledge that this is hard and sucks, but that many people have it worse.  We are all struggling at the moment.  This is a strange, crazy time.  We are all just doing the best that we can.

I hope you are OK.  I’m sending you health and sanity and good vibes.  I hope to be writing here more again if for no other reason than my own processing, but with all of us at home and with a toddler, my typing time is at a premium.  In the meantime, I wish you all the best.