So this is modern dating?

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The first I ever heard about texting was over ten years ago in Germany.  I didn’t have a cell phone, but all the kids were SMS schicken.

Now, everybody texts.  I’m not great at it.  1) I tend to forget to keep my cell phone on me.  2) I like to make definite plans.  If I hear things like, we’ll text you when we’re heading out, my head might explode.  3)  I don’t like being character restricted.  This is why I do like email.  I guess I could just send ridiculously long texts, or multiple texts, but I probably wouldn’t get the type of responses I wanted and would frustrate everyone.

But now I’m back in Europe.  I have a cell phone this time.  I’m trying to make new friends.  And this seems to mean texting.

I met a really nice girl at a BBQ.  We exchanged numbers.  Her family came to Henry’s birthday party.  I meant to text her later to say thank you, but she beat me to it.  I wasn’t playing coy; I swear, I’m just really bad at this.  I agonized over how to respond.  I wanted to be witty and likeable.  I wanted to suggest making plans, but I didn’t want to crowd the text.  I may have ended up using a highly embarrassing word such as “holler.”  I immediately texted back to apologize for using the word “holler.”  You could call this a rookie mistake, but at least it felt more like me.  Doing something and then over-thinking it is pretty classic Melissa.  It worked!  She laughed.  Or at least her text said she did.  We had a nice conversation.  This reminds me, I probably need to text her again . . .

Another new friend texted out of the blue to say she had a song stuck in her head.  This made me feel nice.  Someone is thinking about me!  I then spent way too much time agonizing over a response.  The takeaway: texting is not just for making plans.  I should reach out more just because I feel like it.

This weekend continued the “dating” adventures.  Saturday was supposed to be a group date at the zoo.  But the other people couldn’t make it.  It would have been the perfect setup in a romcom, but in reality, it was just more screaming toddlers.  I think it went well.  We may get to go out again sometime.  Henry had fun.  The zoo was pretty cool.  (And you know I changed diapers on a bench. #placesmysonsjunkhasbeen)  You can get very close to an exhibit with more than 40 monkeys.  I could have watched them all day.

Ready to see some animals

Ready to see some animals

The awesome monkey island

The awesome monkey island

More monkeys

More monkeys

Henry, new friend, & creepy photobomber

Henry, new friend, & creepy photobomber

Sunday was the speed dating.  Really more like a mixer, I guess.  The Ladybirds English-speaking playgroup had a kickoff lollipop hunt at Villa Borghese.  I came with a friend, but we were determined to mingle.  It was a tough room.  Picture about 50 kids running around with parents running after them.

Intimidating, right?

Intimidating, right?

But I did meet a few nice people.  No numbers exchanged, but we talked about connecting on facebook and I’ll hopefully see them at the weekly playgroup.

Henry quickly grasped the hunt concept

Henry quickly grasped the hunt concept

Always sweet to be the mom of the "kid in the fedora"

Always sweet to be the mom of the “kid in the fedora”

Where's my lollipops?

Where my lollipops?

In sum, I will work more diligently on this modern thing known as texting.  But I’m glad I met James before it took off.

 

8 Tips on being a stay-at-home mom

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Hahahahaha!  I don’t have any tips.  I just wanted to go for the clickbait title.  I should be asking you guys for tips.  (Seriously–do you have any tips??)

A more appropriate title would be “Things that have worked for me so far.”  I’ve only been doing this a nanosecond.  And with only two kids.  These are things that are working now, but I’m sure it will change.  Also, these are things I try to do, but not always successful.

  1. Eat when the kids eat.  I do tend to have adult snacktime by myself during nap (think cheese and chocolate, not wine), but otherwise I try to eat with the kids.  This is one of the reasons I’m having trouble on planning lunches; I want something quick to pull together.  By eating at the same time, (1) I don’t get hangry later if I didn’t get food and (2) it frees up my me time for other stuff.
  2. Clean when the kids are awake.  Besides wanting to train good cleaners, this also frees up me time for other things.  (You’ll notice a theme here.)  This could be harder as Mac gets more mobile, but right now Henry and I can usually knock something out quickly during Mac’s morning nap.
  3. Keep the dishwasher open for business.  We are using the kitchen more than ever before.  We try to clean up after each meal to prevent the end of the day bomb explosion that feels much too impossible to clean up.  This is way easier if the dishwasher is ready to receive dishes.  I run the dishwasher at night, if it needs it, and unload in the morning.  It seems small, but it makes a huge difference.  Hat tip: A Slob Comes Clean.
  4. Live by the schedule.  I’m a schedule mom.  People who know me are probably not surprised by this.  I really like our schedule.  I’ll post more on it later, but it isn’t anything ground-breaking. Most of it just comes from the kids’ natural rhythms.  I like having a plan.  I like knowing what comes next.  And most importantly, if it all goes right, I get 1-2 hours to myself during naptime.  #metime  This is when I get to blog, and it definitely makes me a better mom in the afternoon.
  5. But don’t die by the schedule.  If the kids sleep later, fine.  If Henry wants to sit in his crib and talk to me before heading for his snack, no problem.  If he wants to play around with his fork when he’s finished eating, I don’t care.  I like having the general plan, but I’m not racing to get to the next thing.  The only ones that are nonnegotiable are finishing up our morning activity so that Mac can eat and simultaneous afternoon nap.  (See #3.)
  6. Don’t wait for people to get hungry.  Some of Henry’s meltdowns are because he is just being a doodyhead.  But many of them are when he is pushed too hard and he is hungry.  Pretty much the same for me.  We don’t do a lot of snacking between meals (except designated afternoon snack, and of course adult snacktime, see #1), but I always like to have a food strategy.
  7. Have a plan when you sit down to the internet.  Double naptime is sacred.  But if I get on the internet without a plan, naptime will fly by and I’ll have probably spent the hour looking at cat videos.
  8. Live in the little moments.  For anyone who has spent time with kids, you know there are actually a lot of boring moments.  I spend a lot of time doing things like following Henry around on his “moto.”  Or watching him eat.  Or reading the same story 5x.  But I try to just enjoy these moments as much as I can.  Even though some days seem slow, I know it will really go fast.  For me, it really helps having seen the other side of the coin.  Neither side is all cookies and sunshine by any means.  But it helps to remind me that I did something else and now am choosing to do this.

This is all the unqualified “wisdom” I’m dispensing at the moment.  What works for you?  Any tips??

Wine tweets: What I’ve been drinking*

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*Descriptions from a wine/beer lover who is really bad at talking about it

I’m not sure if this will be a regular feature.  We’ll have to see how it goes.  If I keep it up, I definitely need to do more in real time, as I have forgotten much about these poor bottles.  So with all of these glowing recommendations, here we go . . .

Reds

Reds

Up first, some chiantis.  The chianti on the left was legit.  Hands down favorite of this post.  James got this on his first visit to the wine store, where he consulted with a very helpful English-speaking wine enthusiast.  I have not yet been to the wine store because stroller.  And taking Henry into a store that specifically and deliberately sells glass bottles seems like a terrible idea.  If I had to pick one word for this one, it would be “mineraly.”  It wasn’t overly tannic, but you were scraping your tongue a little after each sip.  But in a good way.  #gobigred

The chanti in the middle I don’t recall specifics, but I think it was pretty good.  The word here would be “adequate,” but meant in the best possible way.  Here is a nice red that I would enjoy drinking with most things.

The chianti on the right, however, not so much.  I picked this one out at the grocery store.  This is wine that prompted James to suggest we only drink “classicos” from now on.  There just wasn’t a lot to it.  Although when we had it the next day with a nice weekend pizza lunch, it was much better.  I guess I just need to decant my crappy red wines more.  (snort) #pass

More reds

The valipolicella on the left was very nice.  If I recall, when selecting a wine that night, James asked what I wanted and I said “I want something that feels velvety in my mouf.”  I know.  Who says that?  But this one did fit the bill.  #smooth

The other two I do not have strong recollections of.  I believe they were Italian adequate.  And ooo . . . cool bottle decoration.  It’s like the hood ornament to your drinking experience.  #fancy

The lone white of this batch

Even though we arrived to excellent white wine sipping weather (read hot), I’ve just been craving the reds.  This was also Italian adequate.  More on the fruity and refreshing side.  This would be great to drink on its own.  #porchwine

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And one beer

James grabbed a pack (they come in 3s) of these beers at the grocery store.  I use the term beer loosely.  Not because it was bad, but because it really seemed more like lemonade.  In its defense, it was only like 2%.  #wouldbuyatthebeach

And that concludes this edition of wine tweets.  We’ll see if this feature returns.  If it doesn’t, it certainly won’t be because of a lack of subjects.  If this is a must for you, do let me know!

Paleo Fail-io

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Once upon a time, James and I read It Starts with Food and did a Whole30.  Basically you cut out all gluten, added sugar, dairy, booze, legumes, and corn for 30 days, and then gradually reintroduce foods to your healed body to see how it does.  Even though it was strict, I found it worked better for me than trying to be reasonable.  I am definitely an abstainer and not a moderator.  At the end of the program, we had both lost about 5% of our body weight.  We did feel great.  James and I couldn’t shut up about it and annoyingly preached the Whole30 gospel for quite some time.  I think almost everyone in my family has done one.

We do try to do more paleo cooking, but we’ve definitely fallen off the wagon.  Italy has not helped that.  Gelato!  Cheese!  Pizza!  Wine!  I can’t figure out what to make for lunch so Henry and I frequently have yogurt.

I feel less healthy in other ways, but this has to do more with stay-at-homing than with being-in-Italying.  I don’t walk as much.  Not because I’m driving, but because we don’t venture out as far.  There is a playground steps from our door.  The grocery store is only two blocks away.  I used to walk to public transportation, walk around the building, walk for lunch.  I’m trying to say yes to more dance parties and head out for longer walks.

Our schedule makes big walks hard though.  I love our schedule.  But with Mac’s morning nap, we are never really more than an hour away from someone’s nap or meal.  Also, Henry will tolerate some stroller time, but he also likes to walk.  If he’s walking, we cover less ground.  And it is easy to release the kraken, but will he go back in the stroller?

But the other day, I decided to grab hold and seize it.  We would head back to Villa Borghese and explore some other area of the park.  We live 10 minutes from Rome’s Central Park.  We owe it to ourselves to enjoy everything it has to offer, darnit!

This was probably too ambitious.  First off, we all have colds right now.  Second, instead of a low-to-mid 80s kind of day, it was more of an upper 80s kind of day.  But it was too late.  I had loaded up more than 50 lbs (not an exaggeration) of children and gear, and we were off.

By the time we got to a previously unvisited portion, I was sniffly, hot, and tired.  And it was time to go back for lunch and Mac was not pleased.  And Henry definitely did not want to go back in the stroller.

But we got to see a few new things before we turned back.  While Henry was chasing pigeons or other such, I noticed this guy in a tree.  He was so exotic looking that I thought he must have been someone’s escaped pet.  But I saw three of them in the tree.  Turns out my first instinct may not have been too far off.

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We also saw this little guy.  He stayed remarkably patient with the toddler who wanted to embrace him.

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And then after bargaining, bribery, and threats got everyone (read  Henry) loaded back in the stroller, I’m pretty sure I saw two people having sex in the park.  Sorry–no pics!  They were a little far off, and I didn’t want to stare.  So there’s Rome for ya.  Start off talking about paleo, end up with sex in the public park.

Places my sons’ junk has been

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I used to joke that I should start a tumblr with “places my son’s junk has been.”  Not with actual pictures of junk.  That would be all kinds of messed up.  But just the locations.  Stateside, I had a policy that if your (chain, family-oriented) restaurant did not have a changing table, we’d do a change in the restaurant.  On a bench if possible.  Always on a changing pad.  I’m looking at you Bojangles and Waffle House.  But Henry got to enjoy plenty of other al fresco changing venues.  Parks, rest areas, the National Mall.

I guess my tumblr would now be “places my sons’ junk has been.”  The trend is definitely continuing in Rome.  We’ve been hearing from people, guidebooks, the internets, etc. that Rome is not the most kid-friendly.  This doesn’t just mean a lack of sights for kids.  I’ve mentioned before that the double stroller is a challenge.  Whenever we get around to attempting public transit, that will be a challenge.  And I haven’t been able to find a restroom for me most places, much less a changing table.  (Just realized we will have to be WAY more strategic whenever Operation Potty Train commences.  Although I did see a kid drop trou at the Villa Borghese playground.  #OPTIONS.)

So this week’s “places my sons’ junk has been” is brought to you by Piazza della Repubblica.  Last weekend we went on another epic walkabout around the city.  Unlike last time, we ditched the double stroller at home.  I loaded Mac into the Lillebaby.  Thankfully, James is still able to wrangle Henry in the Deuter hiking pack.  And Henry did an impressive amount of walking.  Which would you choose: carrying a 16 lb child all the time or a 30 lb child half the time?  I’m stuck with the smaller one because I couldn’t even wear Henry in the Deuter 10 lbs ago.

Adventure ho!

Adventure ho!

It was glorious!  We could walk anywhere!!  Up church steps, in between cars, around tourists!  The city was our oyster; we were limited only by our aching backs.  The weather was also gorgeous.  I think around 70 degrees when we set out and creeping up during the day.

Although I was eager to get to proper sightseeing, I was also eager to have my first cappuccino in Italy.  Only took three weeks.  We stopped at a Bar, where I made James order.  I still do a double take on the signs sometimes, but Bars are the casual places with pastries and sandwiches that are open early.  Loved the cappuccino.  Henry loved the pastries even more.

They sprinkled chocolate on top!

They sprinkled chocolate on top!

Mmmm...nutella croissant

Mmmm…nutella croissant

Our first stop was Santa Maria della Vittoria Church.  We went for Bernini’s Ecstasy of St. Teresa, which was on my radar from Angels and Demons (on sale for kindle!)–classy, I know–but were really impressed with the church itself.  [Angels and Demons is now a movie?  From 2009?? How did I miss this?  This was pre-kids.  I have no excuse.]  It was on the smaller side, but every inch was covered with marble, paintings, mosaics, and other precious objects.  I’d love to go back for mass; you just know it would be an intimate affair.  Hopefully without Nic Cage-haired Tom Hanks crashing in to catch a maniac.

Outside of Santa Maria della Vittoria and Moses Fountain

Outside of Santa Maria della Vittoria and Moses Fountain

9.13_vittorio ceiling 9.13_vittorio

Bernini’s statue was very impressive.  The literature said he made the marble look like wax, which really is a good description.  So fluid.  So much movement.  I think I like Bernini even more than Michelangelo.  TV Show Idea:  Italian Sculptor Wars.  No?

9.13_sttecstasy

The Church of Santa Susanna is across the street.  There has been construction so we ogled the outside but didn’t go in.  This is home of the American Catholic Church in Rome so I’m sure we’ll be back.  Santa Susanna’s exterior boasts “a highly influential early Baroque design” and some pretty amazing FAQs on its website.

1. What is the Pope’s email address?

Everyone wants to talk directly to the pope. Unfortunately the population of the world is now over 6 billion people and the Holy Father is not capable of speaking to each person privately.Though Pope Benedict had an email address, so far Pope Francis has not listed his.

Santa Susanna

Santa Susanna

We headed down to Piazza della Repubblica, close to Termini train station.

Junk exposure took place over my left shoulder

Junk exposure took place over my left shoulder

But before the titular diaper change, we went to the Baths of Diocletian.  The baths were built between 298 and 306.  They have many other uses now–Michelangelo designed a church inside–but you can still see the exterior and infrastructure.  At the tallest point, they are seven stories high.

According to Wikipedia, the Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History building was partially based on design elements from the Baths of Diocletian

According to Wikipedia, the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History building was partially based on design elements from the Baths of Diocletian.  I can see it.

Typical state of affairs around here

Typical state of affairs around here

Google auto-awesomed this one. I kind of love it.

Google auto-awesomed this one. I kind of love it.

9.13_baths inside 2

Lots of trompe l'oeil in here. Can you tell the bit to the left is just painted on?

Lots of trompe l’oeil in here. Can you tell the bit to the left (green columns) is just painted on?

We got to enjoy a few minutes of an organ concert inside the church.  Henry was enthralled.

I counted more than 70 stops on this bad boy.

I counted more than 70 stops on this bad boy.

After the diaper change, we picked up takeout pizza from Alice (Ah-lee-che), a delicious pizza chain here.  We enjoyed it in the Villa Borghese Park to the sound of a dude playing the mandolin.

Alice selfie

Alice selfie

Both kids crashed before we could make it back for official nap time, but it was a pretty nice day.

Ball so hard

Ball so hard

James put together this map ex post facto of our route.  I think it was only around three miles, but it felt longer.  I blame the toddler stop and go.  It isn’t just “mas running,” but you have to frequently reline up at the starting line.

Will try to update this when I find a way to make it look better

Will try to update this when I find a way to make it look better.  Blogger fail.

I can’t believe they didn’t mention church

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[Hi new readers!  Just wanted to say thanks so much for your support and notes.  It really means a lot!]

Modern Mrs. Darcy linked to an article in the Boston Globe on What Age Segregation Does to America.  I thought it was a fascinating read.  The gist is that we are even less frequently interacting with other generations.  (Except Kentucky and West Virginia apparently; check out that map.)

Grown-ups return to work, where they’ll toil alongside other working-age people. Children go back to their schools, neatly separated by grade. Millions of young adults will pack their bags for college, where they’ll live and work almost exclusively with their exact peers.

And with more seniors retiring to age-segregated retirement communities (does anyone else get the theme for The Villages stuck in their head?), the issue is exacerbated.  This is problematic because generations aren’t benefiting from the wisdom of others and it contributes to the “kids these days” and “those old fogeys” attitudes.

This makes sense.  But it hasn’t been my experience.  Except on the Hill where I think the median age was 27, my workplaces have been very age integrated.  At my old law firms, you had everyone from paralegals and new lawyers in their 20s all the way up to the guys wheeling around oxygen tanks.  I used to work with someone who had been a partner longer than I’ve been alive.  Not a lawyer longer than I’ve been alive, an actual partner.

I read The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home recently.  (Not saying I’m planning to home school, but it could be on the table.  If you asked me even two years ago, I never would have said that.)  When addressing the “what about socialization?” question home schoolers inevitably get, the authors point out that there are lots of opportunities for socialization (family, activities/clubs, community things, religious) that more closely resemble real world scenarios.

[T]hink about the type of socialization that takes place in school.  The child learns how to function in a specific environment, one where he’s surrounded by thirty children his own age.  This is a very specific type of socialization, one that may not prove particularly useful.  When, during the course of his life, will he find himself in this kind of context?  Not in work or in family life or in his hobbies.  The classroom places the child in a peer-dominated situation that he’ll probably not experience again.

Growing up, my church was probably my most “age integrated” experience.  I knew my friends’ parents, my Sunday school teachers, my basketball coach.  Activities like choir and youth groups combined multiple grades.

I’m no expert, but church attendance has been declining, yes?  (This assertion is supported by a quick search on the internets.)  I know my anecdotal experience does not a trend make, but it seems that some others out there probably experienced something similar if church was in the mix.  I’m just surprised the article didn’t discuss or even mention it.  That’s all.

Henry is 2!

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Henry turned 2 recently!  Last weekend we had a chill get-together with our neighbors at the local playground.  I was really touched that people came.  This place definitely has a sort of summer camp fast bonding feel.  “Hi, we just met but let me get your digits and by the way would you like to come to my son’s birthday party tomorrow?”

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Mac hung out

I think he had a pretty good birthday.  Look at this guy.

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What a difference a year makes.

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We started off the day with some green eggs.  Dr. Suess is in pretty heavy rotation around here.  As James said, “those eggs are really green.”  Let’s just say the food coloring came out fast . . .

green eggs

Technically, we started off with me jumping around (as much as possible while holding Mac) playing the Beatles’ birthday song.  I like to provide a birthday wake up with this song.  Traditions!

We played outside.  Henry got to watch all of Disney’s animated Robin Hood.  After pizza dinner, presents and cake!

Henry was pretty pumped about his new Gamecock hat.

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And his Peppa pig books.

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Any many other thoughtful presents not pictured.  Cake was also a hit.

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Henry – you are a pretty terrific guy.  You have your moments–like when others touch your swing . . . or your toy . . . or your ball–but hey, you’re two, it happens.  You are so active.  If you aren’t “mas running,” you are climbing on Tommy Train, falling (for fun), or doing who only knows what.  We have said “what are you doing” so often to you that you now usually say “whatchoo doing” as you are spazzing out.

You love your books.  Frequently the same one read over and over.  You have turned into quite the talker.  I feel like we kind of have conversations.  Your most frequently said word seems to be “moto,” followed by “TV,” which is weird because you watch very little of it.  I do know almost all the words of “Let it Go” thanks to you.

You are down to one afternoon nap each day.  You can’t quite quit the chup, but you know it is just for sleeping.  You still seem to enjoy the eggs we eat for breakfast every day, any junk food–particularly potato chips, and strangely still zucchini.

You are really hilarious.  You make hilarious faces.  You say hilarious things.  Thanks for being my little buddy on this adventure.

Love, Mom

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Are things different? Glad you asked.

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Are things different here?  Of course.  Plenty!  Let’s not even get into all the big life changes.  Or differences out and about town.  We’ll just start close to home.  Like literally.  These are a few of the main differences around the house.  Nothing shocking for those who have been to Europe.  And now to this hard-hitting bit of investigative journalism.

But first.  Are you guys listening to this song?  Do you love it?  Is it huge back home?  I only wish it had come out a little earlier.  I feel like we didn’t really have a “song of the summer” this year, and I think this could have been a contender.

  1. Ceiling fan pulls.  Maybe this isn’t universal, but for ours, the light is on the shorter cord.  I am finally stopping trying to adjust the fan and plunging the room into darkness.
  2. Light switches.  So they look like this.  Also, for small rooms, like bathrooms, they are only on the outside.  I am finally stopping walking into the bathroom and immediately doing an about face to flip the light.

    More or less toddler tempting than back home? Trick question, it's a switch so . . .

    More or less toddler tempting than back home? Trick question, it’s a switch so . . .

  3. Trash.  There is no curbside pick-up.  And not just because I don’t have my own personal curb.  Our building doesn’t have a communal dumpster or anything.  There are bins randomly spaced on the street and you have to take care of business.  Why?  Some of this could be sheer numbers and logistics.  And many buildings are on little gated compounds, could be difficult to access.  Also, as explained during orientation, recycling is mandatory so have fun with that sorting.
  4. The outlets!!  European power is different.  This is known.  What surprised me is that there are a minimum of four different outlets in our unit.  What??  If I am using a European appliance in a European outlet, I should NOT need an adapter.
  5. European Toilet.  No surprise here, but we got the European special.  I’ll be on the lookout for even more exotic toilets.  I’ve always wanted to make a “Toilets of Europe” calendar.  This could be my big chance.  Family be warned:  when Christmas rolls around and you are excitedly opening your annual family calendar (just kidding, it won’t be wrapped), don’t expect to see a lovingly curated collection of family photos.  That’s right.  It just might be TOILETS.  Here’s January:

    Choose your own adventure! Big flush or small: you decide!

    Choose your own adventure! Big flush or small: you decide!

  6. Dryer.  Both our washer and dryer are European.  Because the dryer is not vented, it has this handy “vapor drawer.”  Basically it fills up with water and you have to dump it or the dryer will not dry anymore.  I learned this the hard way after about a week in when I thought it must be broken.  “James!!  I dried this load 3x and it isn’t getting any better! *&*^(&”  I am pretty excited to have a dryer.  I’ve been seeing lots and lots of drying racks on balconies.  (The balconies do seem to be getting more use.)  Our neighbors across the way actually have their washing machine on the balcony.  I guess sufficiently protected from the elements?  Just cutting out the middle man.
Dearie me, I have the vapors!

Dearie me, I have the vapors!

I’m sure there are others.  The windows and blinds deserve their own full post.  I’ll report back if I uncover more riveting differences.  Happy weekend, ya’ll!

Daddy working; Mommy running?

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I finally made it out for a run.  (Ok, more of a run/walk if I’m being honest.)  It only took a little over a year since the last one.  This was sadly the first time I used the stairs in our building.  Every other outing, I have been accompanying a toddler or the stroller and opted for the elevator.

I got to explore more of Villa Ada.  This is a mega-huge park a few blocks from our house.  We’ve all been to the dog park on the fringe, but had not yet made it inside.  I aimed to remedy that.

I jogged over the footpath and found myself in the woods.  Very tall trees/shrubs and muddy paths.  Huh.  After the manufactured beauty of Villa Borghese, it was not at all what I expected.  But it was great for running.  The trees provided shade and the dirt was nice and soft.  My only worry was getting lost.  I ran and ran.  (Probably only like 10 minutes.)  Eventually, I found a clearing and turned back.  There are supposed to be gardens and lakes and all sorts of other things in this park.  I’ll have to come back.

It was a good run.  Good to get out of the house.  Henry seemed to miss me.  Once he realized I was not anywhere in the house, he apparently had a minor freak out.  When he learned what I was doing, he wanted to go running too.  (I’m sure I’ll have a good running buddy very soon.)

Henry misses his dad too during the days.  He talks about him much more now than I ever remember happening when we both worked.  “Daddy? Daddy?”  Now it is “Daddy working” said randomly throughout the day.  When we were in DC, I think he thought James worked in the car.

We have had workers in our place three out of the last four days.  There was some sort of water leak in the unit below, which meant a lot of drilling and patching in our unit.  All the workers were male.  Henry has been good about staying out of the way.  “Men working.”  “Men working.”

One of Henry’s sweet new friends got him a Lego set for his birthday.  It’s really cool.  It has a working dump truck.  It also has a little man in a construction vest.  So now even more “Man working, man working.”

To sum it up, we have a lot of men working around here.  I’m sure I’ll work again some day, but it is weird to think that the kids will (very probably) never know me as a biglaw type.  I’ll tell a story some day about “when I worked at that big law firm” and they won’t really get it.  It will just be a story.

And I know Henry will see plenty of women working, even if I’m not at the moment.  He’s only 2.  There’s time.  But it is nice to have a thing that Mommy does.  Something that takes her outside the house.  Something easier to explain than “Mommy blogging.”

 

 

 

Does it ever make sense to do your least favorite chore?

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Once upon a time, when I was a poor law student–well even before that really–I fantasized about when I would “make it big” and could afford some kind of house cleaning assistance.  I know this is gross to admit, but we sort of just didn’t clean.  I mean we did laundry and dishes and scrubbed counter tops, but toilets and floors only got the real treatment when guests were expected.

Well, I finally graduated and we did it.  We hired help.  I didn’t love managing the cleaning services, and we went through quite a few, but having an at least bimonthly scrubbed toilet was pretty sweet.

So when we got here, I started asking for cleaner recommendations right away.  It turns out they are cheap!  So cheap!  The going rate seems to be 8 euro/hour.  This means I could have the whole place cleaned for less than a third of what we paid in DC.  Great, I thought, sign me up!

But.  I haven’t done it yet.  I’ve been trying to tease out the reasons for my hesitation.  Very high on the list is having someone here for a few hours is pretty inconvenient.  Mac is still doing morning naps.  This means there isn’t a time of day we can easily clear off for a few hours.  And our place is plenty big enough for us, but it feels a little claustrophobic when you are trying to stay out of peoples’ way.  This was hammered home this week as we had workmen here for two full days.  Woof.

A smaller reason is the money.  It is definitely more affordable than DC, but it isn’t nothing.  That money could add up to some nice dinners out or a trip.  It doesn’t help that I’m not sure how to value my time.  Is it worthless?  The lost opportunity cost of cleaning only seems to be sacrificing whatever else I want to be doing, not sacrificing an income opportunity.  What if I have enough time to do the other things I want?

Ranking higher than money for me is wanting the kids to know how to do stuff.  Someone gave the advice never to clean while the kids are sleeping.  So far I’ve been pretty good on this.  We clean up the kitchen after we eat.  Mac’s morning nap provides enough time for Henry and me to tackle a chore before we play.  The chores usually take longer than if I did it myself, but I want for him to learn.

I also want them to appreciate that things aren’t magically cleaned.  Growing up, I remember wiping crumbs from the dining room table onto the floor.  My mom stopped me, pointing out that then we’d just have to clean up crumbs off the floor.  I’m not sure the lesson fully sunk in because it wasn’t my job to clean the floor.  But this is what I’m getting at.  I want the boys to think twice before leaving something a mess because they know they’ll have to clean it later.

Since we’ve been here almost three weeks, I actually cleaned the bathrooms the other day.  It wasn’t that hard.  In a weird way, it even brought back fond memories of cleaning the bathroom with my sister growing up.  At some point, my mom told us this was our job.  I don’t remember receiving much direction on this, but she provided a variety of cleaning products and we did it.  We figured it out.  We stood on sinks to clean the mirror.  We eventually decided that a top-down approach made more sense than bottom-up.  I’m not sure the bathrooms were actually the cleanest, but we took ownership of it.  And I’m sure my mom was glad to get it off her plate.

But.  Even though I cleaned the bathrooms, I haven’t summoned the resolve to pull out the mop.  I don’t mind vacuuming.  Sweeping is ok.  But I really hate mopping.  It may have started earlier, but the hatred really crystallized during my time working at Panera Bread.  I usually worked the afternoon/evening shift, which meant you had to clean the store after.  Each night the last thing standing between me and the door was mopping the whole darn restaurant.  It seemed to take forever.  So many chairs to move.  So much dirty water to wring out.  I just hate it.  Since then I have avoided mopping at all costs.

Now we are very floor-centric.  Things are done on the floor.  Things are sometimes eaten off the floor.  This is the time when I should be paying more attention to them.  And they are pretty dirty.  Even though we take our shoes off at the door, Rome tracks in on our feet.  Henry is not always a sophisticated eater.  Spills happen.

So should we hire someone?  I really don’t want to mop, but I think I’ll try it at least once to see if I hate it as much as I remember.  And how long it takes.  Maybe James will decide mopping is his jam? [UPDATE: James says mopping is NOT his jam.]

If it is soul-suckingly terrible, I could always hire someone just to do the floors.  I’m not sure why I need to remind myself of this, but the beauty of having help for hire is that you get to direct what help you would like.  Having a shorter task instead of a full house clean should theoretically minimize the interruption to our homebodiness.  It should also avoid having our stuff rearranged in weird ways; I hate that.  And be cheaper to boot.

We shall see.  Maybe Henry will start cleaning proficiently.  (Snort.)  Maybe we’ll hire someone to do the whole house.  Or maybe we’ll just start with the floors.  And the range on the oven.  Cleaning the range is the worst.