Forget ALL THAT.
I’ve found the next big thing.
Let me set the scene.
So I’m walking down the sidewalk with Mac the other day. I’m pushing the stroller, but I’m letting him toodle along beside me because we aren’t in a hurry. It isn’t a crowded sidewalk at all. It is reasonably wide. (This isn’t relevant to the story, but Henry is at school during the events you are about to witness.)
Duder comes along and totally bumps Mac. He apologizes. But I’m all, whaaa? You come out of nowhere and somehow manage to run into a BABY?* On this empty sidewalk? It would be like managing to hit the only other car in an otherwise completely empty parking lot.
Mac is unphased. But my brain wheels are turning.
Why would somebody do this? It sort of looked like the bump you might get when being pickpocketed.**
But why would anyone pickpocket a baby?
Babies are notorious for shorting you on the bill and placing value in mysterious things like broken figurines and acorns. If you pickpocketed a baby, you’d probably come away with a few squashed raisins, some unknown stickiness, and a “really cool” stick that the baby couldn’t be convinced to part with.
Which is why babies would make the PERFECT receptacle for your valuables!
Think about it. Seriously. No one would ever expect a baby to carry the family’s passports.
Now I know what you’re thinking.
Melissa, aren’t babies notorious for losing things, sticking things up their nose, and betting all their money at armadillo races?
All true. I won’t deny it.
Which is why you can’t just cram 50 euros in a baby’s pocket. Well, besides the fact that half of baby clothes don’t have pockets anyway.
You need a secret pocket. I’m thinking something sewn on the inside back of a shirt. Ooooo . . . or maybe even in the diaper region for added deterrence factor. Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just changing the baby . . . definitely not grabbing cash to pay for our lunch.
Forget the fact that sane, rational people frequently don’t travel in high pickpocketing areas with their babies and toddlers. It is time for babies of the world to start pulling their own weight!
You can look forward to my kickstarter campaign any day now.
Move over purse boots. I just singledhandedly solved the problem of keeping your valuables secure on vacation. YOU’RE WELCOME.
* YES, I’m still calling Mac a baby. Just go with it.
** I’m rarely worried about pickpockets where I live in Rome. There are some parks where I keep my purse on me. I take more precautions on public transportation and in high touristy areas. Rome isn’t scary, but be safe.