Category: Life

I can’t believe they didn’t mention church

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[Hi new readers!  Just wanted to say thanks so much for your support and notes.  It really means a lot!]

Modern Mrs. Darcy linked to an article in the Boston Globe on What Age Segregation Does to America.  I thought it was a fascinating read.  The gist is that we are even less frequently interacting with other generations.  (Except Kentucky and West Virginia apparently; check out that map.)

Grown-ups return to work, where they’ll toil alongside other working-age people. Children go back to their schools, neatly separated by grade. Millions of young adults will pack their bags for college, where they’ll live and work almost exclusively with their exact peers.

And with more seniors retiring to age-segregated retirement communities (does anyone else get the theme for The Villages stuck in their head?), the issue is exacerbated.  This is problematic because generations aren’t benefiting from the wisdom of others and it contributes to the “kids these days” and “those old fogeys” attitudes.

This makes sense.  But it hasn’t been my experience.  Except on the Hill where I think the median age was 27, my workplaces have been very age integrated.  At my old law firms, you had everyone from paralegals and new lawyers in their 20s all the way up to the guys wheeling around oxygen tanks.  I used to work with someone who had been a partner longer than I’ve been alive.  Not a lawyer longer than I’ve been alive, an actual partner.

I read The Well-Trained Mind: A Guide to Classical Education at Home recently.  (Not saying I’m planning to home school, but it could be on the table.  If you asked me even two years ago, I never would have said that.)  When addressing the “what about socialization?” question home schoolers inevitably get, the authors point out that there are lots of opportunities for socialization (family, activities/clubs, community things, religious) that more closely resemble real world scenarios.

[T]hink about the type of socialization that takes place in school.  The child learns how to function in a specific environment, one where he’s surrounded by thirty children his own age.  This is a very specific type of socialization, one that may not prove particularly useful.  When, during the course of his life, will he find himself in this kind of context?  Not in work or in family life or in his hobbies.  The classroom places the child in a peer-dominated situation that he’ll probably not experience again.

Growing up, my church was probably my most “age integrated” experience.  I knew my friends’ parents, my Sunday school teachers, my basketball coach.  Activities like choir and youth groups combined multiple grades.

I’m no expert, but church attendance has been declining, yes?  (This assertion is supported by a quick search on the internets.)  I know my anecdotal experience does not a trend make, but it seems that some others out there probably experienced something similar if church was in the mix.  I’m just surprised the article didn’t discuss or even mention it.  That’s all.

Henry is 2!

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Henry turned 2 recently!  Last weekend we had a chill get-together with our neighbors at the local playground.  I was really touched that people came.  This place definitely has a sort of summer camp fast bonding feel.  “Hi, we just met but let me get your digits and by the way would you like to come to my son’s birthday party tomorrow?”

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Mac hung out

I think he had a pretty good birthday.  Look at this guy.

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What a difference a year makes.

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We started off the day with some green eggs.  Dr. Suess is in pretty heavy rotation around here.  As James said, “those eggs are really green.”  Let’s just say the food coloring came out fast . . .

green eggs

Technically, we started off with me jumping around (as much as possible while holding Mac) playing the Beatles’ birthday song.  I like to provide a birthday wake up with this song.  Traditions!

We played outside.  Henry got to watch all of Disney’s animated Robin Hood.  After pizza dinner, presents and cake!

Henry was pretty pumped about his new Gamecock hat.

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And his Peppa pig books.

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Any many other thoughtful presents not pictured.  Cake was also a hit.

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Henry – you are a pretty terrific guy.  You have your moments–like when others touch your swing . . . or your toy . . . or your ball–but hey, you’re two, it happens.  You are so active.  If you aren’t “mas running,” you are climbing on Tommy Train, falling (for fun), or doing who only knows what.  We have said “what are you doing” so often to you that you now usually say “whatchoo doing” as you are spazzing out.

You love your books.  Frequently the same one read over and over.  You have turned into quite the talker.  I feel like we kind of have conversations.  Your most frequently said word seems to be “moto,” followed by “TV,” which is weird because you watch very little of it.  I do know almost all the words of “Let it Go” thanks to you.

You are down to one afternoon nap each day.  You can’t quite quit the chup, but you know it is just for sleeping.  You still seem to enjoy the eggs we eat for breakfast every day, any junk food–particularly potato chips, and strangely still zucchini.

You are really hilarious.  You make hilarious faces.  You say hilarious things.  Thanks for being my little buddy on this adventure.

Love, Mom

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Daddy working; Mommy running?

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I finally made it out for a run.  (Ok, more of a run/walk if I’m being honest.)  It only took a little over a year since the last one.  This was sadly the first time I used the stairs in our building.  Every other outing, I have been accompanying a toddler or the stroller and opted for the elevator.

I got to explore more of Villa Ada.  This is a mega-huge park a few blocks from our house.  We’ve all been to the dog park on the fringe, but had not yet made it inside.  I aimed to remedy that.

I jogged over the footpath and found myself in the woods.  Very tall trees/shrubs and muddy paths.  Huh.  After the manufactured beauty of Villa Borghese, it was not at all what I expected.  But it was great for running.  The trees provided shade and the dirt was nice and soft.  My only worry was getting lost.  I ran and ran.  (Probably only like 10 minutes.)  Eventually, I found a clearing and turned back.  There are supposed to be gardens and lakes and all sorts of other things in this park.  I’ll have to come back.

It was a good run.  Good to get out of the house.  Henry seemed to miss me.  Once he realized I was not anywhere in the house, he apparently had a minor freak out.  When he learned what I was doing, he wanted to go running too.  (I’m sure I’ll have a good running buddy very soon.)

Henry misses his dad too during the days.  He talks about him much more now than I ever remember happening when we both worked.  “Daddy? Daddy?”  Now it is “Daddy working” said randomly throughout the day.  When we were in DC, I think he thought James worked in the car.

We have had workers in our place three out of the last four days.  There was some sort of water leak in the unit below, which meant a lot of drilling and patching in our unit.  All the workers were male.  Henry has been good about staying out of the way.  “Men working.”  “Men working.”

One of Henry’s sweet new friends got him a Lego set for his birthday.  It’s really cool.  It has a working dump truck.  It also has a little man in a construction vest.  So now even more “Man working, man working.”

To sum it up, we have a lot of men working around here.  I’m sure I’ll work again some day, but it is weird to think that the kids will (very probably) never know me as a biglaw type.  I’ll tell a story some day about “when I worked at that big law firm” and they won’t really get it.  It will just be a story.

And I know Henry will see plenty of women working, even if I’m not at the moment.  He’s only 2.  There’s time.  But it is nice to have a thing that Mommy does.  Something that takes her outside the house.  Something easier to explain than “Mommy blogging.”

 

 

 

Does it ever make sense to do your least favorite chore?

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Once upon a time, when I was a poor law student–well even before that really–I fantasized about when I would “make it big” and could afford some kind of house cleaning assistance.  I know this is gross to admit, but we sort of just didn’t clean.  I mean we did laundry and dishes and scrubbed counter tops, but toilets and floors only got the real treatment when guests were expected.

Well, I finally graduated and we did it.  We hired help.  I didn’t love managing the cleaning services, and we went through quite a few, but having an at least bimonthly scrubbed toilet was pretty sweet.

So when we got here, I started asking for cleaner recommendations right away.  It turns out they are cheap!  So cheap!  The going rate seems to be 8 euro/hour.  This means I could have the whole place cleaned for less than a third of what we paid in DC.  Great, I thought, sign me up!

But.  I haven’t done it yet.  I’ve been trying to tease out the reasons for my hesitation.  Very high on the list is having someone here for a few hours is pretty inconvenient.  Mac is still doing morning naps.  This means there isn’t a time of day we can easily clear off for a few hours.  And our place is plenty big enough for us, but it feels a little claustrophobic when you are trying to stay out of peoples’ way.  This was hammered home this week as we had workmen here for two full days.  Woof.

A smaller reason is the money.  It is definitely more affordable than DC, but it isn’t nothing.  That money could add up to some nice dinners out or a trip.  It doesn’t help that I’m not sure how to value my time.  Is it worthless?  The lost opportunity cost of cleaning only seems to be sacrificing whatever else I want to be doing, not sacrificing an income opportunity.  What if I have enough time to do the other things I want?

Ranking higher than money for me is wanting the kids to know how to do stuff.  Someone gave the advice never to clean while the kids are sleeping.  So far I’ve been pretty good on this.  We clean up the kitchen after we eat.  Mac’s morning nap provides enough time for Henry and me to tackle a chore before we play.  The chores usually take longer than if I did it myself, but I want for him to learn.

I also want them to appreciate that things aren’t magically cleaned.  Growing up, I remember wiping crumbs from the dining room table onto the floor.  My mom stopped me, pointing out that then we’d just have to clean up crumbs off the floor.  I’m not sure the lesson fully sunk in because it wasn’t my job to clean the floor.  But this is what I’m getting at.  I want the boys to think twice before leaving something a mess because they know they’ll have to clean it later.

Since we’ve been here almost three weeks, I actually cleaned the bathrooms the other day.  It wasn’t that hard.  In a weird way, it even brought back fond memories of cleaning the bathroom with my sister growing up.  At some point, my mom told us this was our job.  I don’t remember receiving much direction on this, but she provided a variety of cleaning products and we did it.  We figured it out.  We stood on sinks to clean the mirror.  We eventually decided that a top-down approach made more sense than bottom-up.  I’m not sure the bathrooms were actually the cleanest, but we took ownership of it.  And I’m sure my mom was glad to get it off her plate.

But.  Even though I cleaned the bathrooms, I haven’t summoned the resolve to pull out the mop.  I don’t mind vacuuming.  Sweeping is ok.  But I really hate mopping.  It may have started earlier, but the hatred really crystallized during my time working at Panera Bread.  I usually worked the afternoon/evening shift, which meant you had to clean the store after.  Each night the last thing standing between me and the door was mopping the whole darn restaurant.  It seemed to take forever.  So many chairs to move.  So much dirty water to wring out.  I just hate it.  Since then I have avoided mopping at all costs.

Now we are very floor-centric.  Things are done on the floor.  Things are sometimes eaten off the floor.  This is the time when I should be paying more attention to them.  And they are pretty dirty.  Even though we take our shoes off at the door, Rome tracks in on our feet.  Henry is not always a sophisticated eater.  Spills happen.

So should we hire someone?  I really don’t want to mop, but I think I’ll try it at least once to see if I hate it as much as I remember.  And how long it takes.  Maybe James will decide mopping is his jam? [UPDATE: James says mopping is NOT his jam.]

If it is soul-suckingly terrible, I could always hire someone just to do the floors.  I’m not sure why I need to remind myself of this, but the beauty of having help for hire is that you get to direct what help you would like.  Having a shorter task instead of a full house clean should theoretically minimize the interruption to our homebodiness.  It should also avoid having our stuff rearranged in weird ways; I hate that.  And be cheaper to boot.

We shall see.  Maybe Henry will start cleaning proficiently.  (Snort.)  Maybe we’ll hire someone to do the whole house.  Or maybe we’ll just start with the floors.  And the range on the oven.  Cleaning the range is the worst.

House tour, courtesy of a toddler

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So James let Henry have a turn with the camera the other day.  The nice camera.  Now the kid is obsessed with “hitting the button.”  He tries to look through the viewfinder, but I’m not sure what he can actually see.  It’s pretty cute.  It would be even better if I wasn’t worried about him breaking the nice camera.

Yesterday he was insistent on more camera time.  After I had about 50 shots of the same thing, I decided to put him to work on a house tour we could share.  (A “keeping it real” tour though.  Nothing was cleaned so you would have the authentic experience.)  So without further adieu, the unedited work of my two year old:

This is our view when you walk in the front door.  The doors straight ahead lead to the balcony shown here.  Once the rest of our stuff arrives (our place is partially furnished), we’ll have a piece of furniture to collect purses, bags, and change.  For now all of that is going to the two desks on the left that I hope will be an office nook eventually.  I haven’t wanted to set it up yet because workers are coming Monday to bash in the wall in an attempt to fix water damage in the unit below.  The joys of apartment living!

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On the other side of the rando column, we have the connected living and dining room.  We do most of our eating in the kitchen so the dining room table is pushed to the wall.  I have done much furniture rearranging in this area.  Toddler-height photos may not do it justice, but note that there are really tall ceilings here.  Like 13 feet.  You know, in case we ever want that indoor trampoline.  (No one tell Henry about trampolines.)

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Then we have the hallway.  This slick marble floor is ideal for Thomas the Train riding, car zooming, and dangerous falls.  Not shown, but we have two closets off this hall.  One is sort of a linen closet.  The other used to be the laundry room, but is now a walk-in storage area.  They turned the third bathroom into the laundry room.  James was bummed.  I say yay for one less toilet to worry about needing cleaning!  There are also two built-in wardrobes.

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Here is Bathroom #1.  First door on the left.  The shower is oh, so European.  And currently housing a vacuum cleaner.  Because why not.

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Down the hall, we have the kitchen wing.  It consists of random entryway, laundry room (which has a shower because of former bathroom fame), and then the fairly spacious kitchen.

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Here are two shots of the kitchen.  Besides child containment, it is nice to be able to close it off because of the heat.  We have an overhead fan, but that makes the burners flicker when you are actively cooking.  And we have a dishwasher!  This was an unexpected bonus, based on previous pics.  No garbage disposal and the shallowness of the sink generally soaks you when washing dishes, but I’d say a pretty decent kitchen.

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Here’s Henry’s room.  (Mac’s room not pictured because he was sleeping at the time.)  This is the smallest bedroom.  I’m hoping that this may be the guest room if the boys are ever able to share.  Although guests–consider yourselves warned–this room does not have an overhead fan.  We’re currently borrowing a neighbor’s fan while we work on a solution. [UPDATE: ceiling fan installed!]

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Here’s my room.  I know you can’t see much other than an unmade queen bed, but it has room for dressers and his/hers nightstands complete with lamps.  I gotta say, these feel like a luxury!

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And here’s our budding photographer in the most used bathroom.  On the left you can see the tub which has this weird accordion thing that you have to very carefully position to block water when you are showering.  But the bathroom has good storage, good water pressure, and very hot water (most of the time) so not complaining.

Don't mind me . . . just brushing my hair

Don’t mind me . . . just brushing my hair

I’m sure I’ll talk more on this later, but I really like it.  It felt like there was too much furniture before, but now things are redistributed, and it just feels like a lot of storage.  Which is great because I’m not sure where everything will go when the rest of our stuff shows up.

Single floor living is awesome with littles.  I don’t have to lug kids up and down stairs.  I don’t have to run up and down to check on them at nap time.  I don’t worry as much about Henry on his own.  I can generally hear him at most places wherever I am even if he isn’t in sight.

Single floor living is also awesome for laundry.  All three bedrooms are within 15 feet of the laundry room.  No more carting loads up and down two flights of stairs.  Given how much laundry there is, I cannot emphasize enough how fantastic this is.

I really like most of the use of space.  I’d call it open living with optional partitions.  The main area is nice and open, but I can close it off.  As I mentioned, I can close off the kitchen area.  Doors don’t mean much to Henry anymore, but I like having the option.  I might mind the placement of the kitchen if it wasn’t for the table back there.  But now it is really easy to cook and talk to Henry at the table.

And that’s our home. I’ll update again when the rest of our stuff arrives.  Henry was already asking to use the camera again . . .

Mac is 4 months

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Dear Mac,

Happy 4 months old!  (Just a few days late.)  It feels as though you hit this milestone awhile ago, mostly because you had your 4 month pediatrician checkup over two weeks early and I’ve been telling everyone you are “almost 4 months” for probably the last month.  But now you can really own it.

Wut up

You are huge.  And oh, so squishy.  Even though you were measured two weeks early, you still hit 99th percentile on height.  You are wearing clothes labeled for six months all the way up to one year.  When you sit on my lap, it seems that more of you hangs off than on.  You have go-go-Gadget monkey arms that lately you are deploying to reach stuff I didn’t think you could.  Like my glasses.  And that butter knife on the table.

Monkey arm in action

You are so sweet, tolerant, and patient.  You usually calmly wait for the rest of us when we eat our meals.  You are accepting of your brother’s hugs, kisses, mano holdings, and tackles.  You are quick to smile, and I’m hearing more laughs these days.

Lately, you love being upright, whether being held, in your Bumbo, or in the Exersaucer you recently started dabbling with.  Your hand control is improving by the day.  You can now grab, deliberately it seems, toys and your chupito (pacifier).  And those elusive feet have also succumbed to your grasp.

Still working on sitting

You are eating 5-6 times a day.  I’d love for you to drop your pre-dawn meal, but, after stalling out for a bit, you seem to be making strides on sleep.  One day this week we didn’t hear a peep out of you until 700!  But usually we hear from you between 4 and 5.  You are a pro at your morning nap, and although you aren’t doing it today, you have been making progress on a two-hour afternoon nap, that blessedly aligns with your brother’s.

I love that you are growing and becoming more aware.  I just wish you weren’t doing it so fast!

Love, Mom

Weekend Recap

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Happy September, ya’ll!  The long weekend was much appreciated as we continue to settle in.

Saturday

We went to the pool at the Ambassador’s residence.  You have to request a spot in advance and this was the last weekend it was available so I was glad to get in.

The pool was surprisingly cold considering it was about 90 degrees out.  I think this was, in part, because the pool was so deep.  The shallow end was around 5′ and it dropped off pretty quickly.  Pool is always more challenging now that it is man-to-man with no breaks, but Henry had a great time.  We really need to work on some kind of swim classes for him.  Because of the depth, I spent most of the time bobbing with Mac over on the steps.

The grounds were beautiful.  Looking forward to returning for parties.

Take out pizza for lunch that was pretty tasty.

Sunday

In the morning we went on an epic walk.  Down to the top of the Spanish steps, to an overlook of Piazza del Popolo, and back through the Villa Borghese park.  Apparently it was only about three miles, but it felt much longer given the stroller and toddler detours.

Overlook – James says it is a famous one.  Probably has a name that I forgot.

Sunday evening we returned to Ristorante Rossini.  The experience was only so-so, mostly because of limited kid cooperation.  James had spaghetti amatriciana.  I had a salad with bresaola, after I majorly hosed the pronunciation of it.  We had a prosciutto and fig starter.  Henry is pretty obsessed with cured meats now.

Monday

It rained most of the day and was colder so we stayed indoors.  James did venture out for a trip to the grocery store where he was yelled at for trying to use a seat-less stroller as a grocery cart in the store.  We went on a walk in the evening, but cut it short because of more rain.  After the kids were asleep, we did watch a little of Veep Season 3.  Definitely enjoying it so far.  I keep waiting for it to get over-the-top cringy where I feel bad (think British Office), but not yet.

Learn Italian. I’m on it.

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I had one of those experiences at the grocery store today that is re-motivating me to work on my (currently very limited) Italian.  It started in produce.  I grabbed a cantaloupe because I picked up some prosciutto earlier in the week and thought we’d enjoy them together.  How Italian!

I weighed the melon and got a sticker.  This is a big difference between European (at least German and Italian) grocery stores and those back home.  I learned this the hard way, my first trip to a Germany grocery store when the clerk yelled at me for not doing it.  Even though that was over 10 years ago, I have since been hyper-vigilant on always weighing my produce.

We make it to check out.  Henry refuses to relinquish the melon.  No biggie.  I peel it off and hand the guy the sticker.  But I can tell right away there is an issue.  He tells me it is the wrong sticker.  This is for the bigger melon, not the little one.  He says he’ll wait while I go fix it.

Everything the clerk said was in Italian.  I may have missed some nuances, but I’m pretty sure I got it.  Context clues helped greatly on this one.  But I am hopeful that comprehension is not completely hopeless.

But I couldn’t think of a single word in Italian to respond.  Some of it was the “deer in headlights” aspect of it.  But a lot of it was just my lack of Italian.  I have thought of a few things to say after the fact, but not too many.

I’m not beating myself up over it, but I’d like to do better next time.  And so back to Duolingo I go.  And then other Italian courses.  And hopefully lining up a tutor before too long.  Italian language prep fell by the wayside around the time Mac was born.  Now, I’m on it.

And on the 7th day there was internet

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And it was good.  This was an unexpected plus.  We were scheduled for install next Tuesday, but the guy called because he happened to be in the neighborhood today.  Score!  This is not something I thought would happen here.  It definitely came in handy when we indulged in a few youtube videos right before James got home.  Henry is growing fond of Winnie the “Poop.”

We also received our air freight shipment today.  (The 700 lbs mentioned here.)  We had a 1-2 week window so this was also prompt.  Henry was so excited to see his toys that we didn’t make it outside this afternoon.  James is incredibly excited about the arrival of the mattress topper and nice sheets.  A bottle of Dreft exploded, but not too many casualties found as of yet.

So still need to get an Italian bank account, cell phones, and many other things.  But progress has been made.  And I’ll drink to that.  (Chianti from the fancy wine store this evening.)  W00t!

Out and about town . . . by myself . . . with kids!

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So I’ve made it to James’s work 2x now, once by myself!  Observations in no particular order:

  • Stroller = woof.  I’ve seen a few, but there are not many about.  After bumping up and down 50 curbs per trip, I will have the upper body of a body builder before we leave.
  • It would really suck to be handicapped here.
  • People here look really put together.  Generally nice solid pieces with a deliberate accessory.
  • Some of the outfits are pretty wild though.
  • Men do not seem to wear hats.  James is accustomed to wearing a baseball cap daily.  He wanted to find a trendier, Italian equivalent.  But based on preliminary observation, Italian men do not wear hats.
  • Henry’s most often said word is now “moto.”
  • Many Italians pass us by without a glance, but many other are excited to see the bambini.  I’ve heard that Italians really love blonde children.
  • I still heart gelato.
  • Everyone keeps saying to just wait until the whole city returns in September.  So far it has been very manageable.  I guess we’ll see . . .
  • Hope for the best, prepare for the worst has paid off.  It looks like our air freight will be here one week after our departure.  Our internet should be set up less than a week after the request.  And we have temporary internet and a cell phone; both an unexpected and welcome bonus.

At home:

  • The kids are still messed up from jet lag.
  • We had our first meal out at Taverna Rossini.  Henry, for no apparent reason, received his own ball of dough that the waiter was keen to see him react to.
  • I’m continuing to rearrange the furniture.  Unpacking continues.
  • I need to do more grocery shopping.
  • I’ll be happier when I’m a little more well-rested.  Mac is getting up at least 3x/night.  This wouldn’t be so bad, but it takes me forever to fall back asleep.

Goals for the coming week:

  • See a traditional Italian sight.
  • Run at least once next week.
  • Finish unpacking.