My kids say some pretty hilarious things.  I’ve been told that I used to say hilarious things once, but my parents didn’t write it down and cannot remember even one witty anecdote.  Inspired by YHL’s Clara Conversations, I wanted to share some isms as I collect a critical mass.

Henry: We want to watch TV.
Me: Hard pass. (In Batman voice)
Henry: I’m going for some sympathy from Grandpa.

Henry: Can you brush my teeth while I’m peeing?
Me: Hard. Pass. (Apparently this is my new go to.)
Henry: Aww, that makes me sad.
Some sadness you’ll just have to get used to.

Henry: Mac has been using his chupito (pacifier) for a VERY long time. He has been using his chupito for longer than Martin Luther had been alive. Martin Luther has been alive for 500 years.
We may need to clarify a few things from Vacation Bible School . . .

Henry: Why is there money in this fountain?
James: Sometimes people throw money into fountains, like when we threw coins into the Trevi Fountain.
Henry: If we threw all of our money into a fountain, then we wouldn’t be able to buy anything, and that would be bad.
Practical. I like that.

Henry: (at Lego table) Hey kitty kitty, there’s nothing to be afraid of, it’s just Abraham Lincoln.
Uh . . .

Henry: (at play area surrounded by smaller kids) Excuse me, there’s a baby trying to wipe it’s butt on my leg.
It totally was.

Mac: (pulling up to the butcher shop) Are we at the candlestick maker?
Cheeky monkey. He was proud of himself for that one.

Henry: (on toilet) Mom, I’m just sad all the time, I don’t have a good habitat.
I’m not even sure what to do with that.

Mac: (finishing applesauce at South of the border) After this applesauce, I need more apple stuff to survive.

Server: The waffle comes with honey butter and powdered sugar, is that ok?
Me: Sure.
Mac: PIRATE SUGAR?!!?! DID HE SAY PIRATE SUGAR??!?!!

Henry: You don’t know Minecraft!
Henry’s Friend: I know your craft… I’ve known it since I was a baby!

Henry: (after falling off of his scooter on his rear end): MY HELMET IS NOT WORKING, IT DIDN’T PROTECT MY BOOTY.

Henry: (watching opening crawl of Star Wars Episode IV on airplane) SO MANY WORDS!?!!!

Me: What’s a volcano?
Mac: Magma, magma, magma…LAVA.
This is pretty much the best description ever. And accurate!

Me: There are a lot of bikes here.
James: It IS a university town.
Henry: The universe is against what?!

Psst.  Want more hilarity?  Check it out here.