My kids say some pretty hilarious things.  I’ve been told that I used to say hilarious things once, but my parents didn’t write it down and cannot remember even one witty anecdote.  Inspired by YHL’s Clara Conversations, I wanted to share some isms as I collect a critical mass.

Two cool dudes at the Butterfly Park. It’s legit.

Henry: (On the playground, abruptly turns and sprints away)
Me: Henry! HENRY! Where are you going? (Eventually catches up.) Dude, you can’t just run off like that. I didn’t know if you were hurt or if you needed to pee or what!
Henry: Mom, didn’t you see me holding my crotch?

Mac: Why is the wine red?
Me: Well, they make it out of grapes. It’s red from the grapes’ skin.
Mac: Is it always red?
Me: Well, no. There is also white wine. And they do make wine out of other fruits. I don’t even know what all they do.
Mac: Durian vino???
Perish the thought. But apparently it’s a thing.

James: So Mac’s classmate definitely called me “the Mac daddy” this morning.
Yeah, we planned that. It’s a long con.

Mac: (flipping through in flight travel magazine) What are they doing?
Me: That dude is herding those horses.
Mac: (horrified) But why?
Me: I don’t know. I guess they need the horses to move somewhere else.
Mac: But why is he herding them??
Me: OH. No, he’s not hurting them; he’s herding them. Don’t worry, it’s a completely different thing.

Mac: ROAR. I’m scratching you with my [inaudible word].
Me: Huh? You’re scratching me with your stickers?
Mac: NO. SICKLES. I’m a velociraptor.
Yikes. TERRIFYING for all of us who saw Jurassic Park at just the right age. You know what I mean.

Psst.  Want more hilarity?  Check it out here.