So I feel like I lied to you guys. Remember before when I talked about my excitement on “dwelling in possibility” and “designing my best life” and all that jazz?
I AM excited. I AM enjoying it.
But I’m also overwhelmed. Scared. Frazzled. Paralyzed by indecision.
Things are going well here, and we are enjoying it. But it isn’t all roses and cupcakes and unicorns.
I mean, obviously. And I don’t even like cupcakes that much. Blasphemous, I know. But I was recently telling a friend that, even though I felt like I ate a LOT of gelato in Italy, I wish I had eaten EVEN MORE. I miss it so.
Where was I?
So after my easy breezy blog post, I had a mini panic attack. It’s all too much. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I SHOULD be doing.
As I spilled to James and he listened (he’s an excellent listener), I reminded myself that it is still early. Like REALLY EARLY. We’ve been here less than a month. We don’t have all of our stuff yet. We’re still trying to figure out school and where to get our groceries and all that jazz. BREATHE. There will be time.
I think some of my freak out comes from thinking things would be so much easier this time around. Oh, we’ve done this before. Oh, I don’t have two little kids dripping off of me. Piece of cake.
It HAS been easier. But it’s still hard. It will always be hard. Some things just are.
I think I’m also freaking out because I’m trying to decide how big I should go. I was googling around about how to start a podcast the other day because that’s one of my side ideas, and I fell down the rabbit hole and then I lost my ever loving mind.
Because so many of these things I’m interested in–podcasting, blogging, writing–aren’t just about doing the thing. There is also a lot of social media that goes along with it. Every podcast I follow has their own Instagram account. And they have to do all the other stuff too.
I really dislike social media. It can be a great tool. But I also kinda hate it. Do I want to do more?
So part of me says that I can just do the parts I like. But that means this will probably just continue to be just a hobby.
Another part of me says, suck it up. Nobody likes all parts of their jobs. This is just something you have to learn and get better at and deal with.
And then another part of me says, but is that the job for me then? Should I be looking more into things that don’t have such a heavy social media component? Or do those jobs even exist anymore?
And then the rest of me says SLOW YOUR ROLL, TRUCKIE. Remember everything you said before? It’s early. CHILL OUT.
(Screaming at yourself to chill out rarely works.)
I am trying though. On days like this it helps to remember what we have accomplished. We’ve dabbled with grocery delivery. We’ve downloaded helpful Apps. We’ve made a trip to Legoland Malaysia. (More on this later.) We’ve met neighbors and have social stuff on the calendar. Gretchen Rubin recently called this a Ta Da list. If I allow myself to think differently, to flip my view a little, I can see that we’ve done a lot.
And when I feel totally and completely and utterly overwhelmed, I try to get myself to do one thing. Just one thing. Clean one bathroom. Schedule one appointment. Do one errand.
Because one thing has a sneaky way of building momentum and turning into two things and more.
But even if it doesn’t, I can look back at the end of the day and say that I accomplished one thing. And that’s a good feeling.