Category: Life

33 Things I’ve Learned in 33 Years

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Well, I had a birthday round these parts.  I used to make fun of my mom because she could never remember her age.  Once, in her 30s, she “lost” a year because she had been saying the wrong age all year.

Now, I (gulp) have become my mom on this one.  I usually can’t remember how old I am.  To help me remember my new milestone, I’ve put together 33 things I’ve learned in my 33 years on Earth.  Get ready to have some knowledge dropped on ya!

  1. If something is off about your contact and you can’t fix it after a few tries with saline, just get a new contact.  It will bother you all day and isn’t worth it.
  2. You can believe something that you think is an absolute, immutable truth and you will find 100 people with 100 different opinions about it.
  3. Nobody is looking at you as much as you think they are looking at you.
  4. Don’t save the nice bath stuff, wine, or chocolate for some day.  Use it and enjoy it now.
  5. Try not to make decisions when you are really tired or really hungry.
  6. Don’t say you are going out for “just one drink” unless you want to end up closing down the bar and catching the wrong metro line home.
  7. No one knows or cares if you wash your hair every day.
  8. Kids help you to be a better version of yourself.  A more tired version, but more aspirational.  If you want your kid to eat vegetables and volunteer, you probably have to eat vegetables and volunteer yourself.
  9. Everything takes longer than you think it will.  Everything.  Always.
  10. You probably do regret most the things you didn’t do.  Unless the thing you didn’t do is a tequila shot.  Tequila shots are never a good idea.
  11. Measuring cups make excellent bath toys.
  12. Thinking of a list of 33 things is hard.
  13. And kind of pretentious.
  14. Oh, well, can’t quit now.
  15. No one is looking at you as much as you think they are.  I said this already?  Well, it is still REALLY true.
  16. When in doubt, it usually never hurts to err on the side of politeness.
  17. Marry your best friend.
  18. Or at least someone you really like to spend lots of time with.
  19. (Am I there yet?  NO??  This is making me feel old.  Old and yet without wisdom.)
  20. Better to keep doing lots of little gestures rather than worry about one grand gesture that never gets done.
  21. Work hard.
  22. You may not be able to do something, but you definitely won’t be able to do it if you never try.
  23. I rarely regret spending time with a book.
  24. No one notices if you wear the same thing all the time.  Or they are just too polite to comment.
  25. Sometimes you just need to have a dance party.
  26. Shake it off.
  27. Phones are not more interesting than people.  And if they are, you should probably find new people.
  28. Haters gonna hate.

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    Pretend I’m wearing real shoes. And that I occasionally clean my mirror.

  29. It is always easier to consume than create.
  30. Nobody is ever pissed about getting a handwritten note.
  31. Try not to judge other parents.  You could be catching them at their worst 5% of the day.
  32. Just don’t judge other people really.
  33. Do you.

Whew, hard work is done.  I only need to figure out one thing this year to add on to my sweet list.  I got this.

ICYMI: Daylight Savings Edition

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Count those wheels

Count those wheels

That’s right.  Most of you sprung ahead a few weeks ago, but we are finally doing it this weekend.  I’m pretty psyched about the extra daylight.  We will playground for-evah!

On the blog:

My top picks for Munich with kids when it is cold outside.

I updated my About page.  If you have more questions I should add, let me know!

I time tracked another day around here so I can answer the “what do you do all day” question.

Henry has been going to Italian day care for about two months.  I finally got around to sharing more about it.

I’m still trying to figure out a posting frequency round these parts.  Part of it is that I’m trying to carve out time for travel planning.  Another part is that we are going on adventures faster than I can write about them.  Our weekend adventures are usually pretty photo-dense, which means mucho editing time.  These are the posts I don’t love to write.  I want to make them more interesting than a hey-look-at-someone-else’s-vacation-photos type of thing.  Working on it.

On the internets:

For all you lawyers, LVK talks about billable hours and time management.  Yes, I have thoughts.  I still need to comment on this one.

Long but interesting:  What Ruth Bader Ginsburg Taught Me About Being a Stay-at-Home Dad.  I like his approach on thinking of seasons of life.  That’s what I’m doing now, a more intensive season with my kids.  I worry about what might be available next.  Not reassuring that a Supreme Court clerk had the same worry!

Loving this jacket.  I’ve been on the hunt for a moto-style knit for awhile.  It is jacket weather now . . .

Coming up:

What are you guys up to this weekend?  We’ve got an Easter egg hunt tomorrow, and we may try to dye some (brown) eggs.  On Sunday, we may hit the flea market in Trastevere.  It should be a chiller weekend before we get ready for an upcoming trip to Puglia AKA the heel of the boot.  I’m pretty excited.  Happy weekend, ya’ll!

Another day in the life

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Last year, I told you about a typical day around these parts.  Since then, Henry is doing a few hours a week at Italian day care which we are treating as preschool.  Here’s our new usual routine on a school day.  You know, until it all changes again in 2.2 seconds.

4:50 Mac is awake.  I give him a few minutes to settle down.  No luck.  I go to feed him.
6:56 James’s alarm goes off.  I pull the covers over my head.  Why am I so tired?  Is it really just Monday?
7:30 – 8:05 Shower, get dressed, makeup.  Say goodbye to James.
8:05 – 8:15 Wake up Mac to feed him.  Normally, I’d let him sleep, but we already run behind enough as is on school days.
8:15 – 8:25 Head into Henry’s room.  New diapers for the boys.  Get everyone dressed.
8:25 – 8:35 Into the kitchen for breakfast.  Normally we have eggs plus fruit, avocado, or sweet potato.  But we only have one egg left so it is oatmeal with apples and cinnamon.  I work on the oatmeal and fill watered down juice cups.
8:35 – 8:55 We eat.  For someone who loves all food, Mac is being pretty picky about the oatmeal.  Henry is showing off and taking big bites.  I talk about school and how much fun it will be to try to get Henry pumped up.
8:55 – 9:00 Clean that kitchen.
9:00 – 9:20 A dreaded part of my day: getting us out the door for school.  Thankfully, Henry is feeling cooperative today.  At 9:20, we have new diapers, coats, and are locked and loaded in the stroller.

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Temporarily waylaid after I snap a pic and Henry wants to take a picture of his brother.

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9:20 – 9:32 We walk to school.  These posts are good for me too because they force me to face reality that, yes, it does take longer than 5 minutes to get places.
9:32 – 9:40 Unload the kids, walk Henry into school, and remove his coat and shoes.  Henry is being Clingy McClingerson today.  His teacher, Valentina, has to actually peel him off me in the end.  No screams; he’s just being a little timid.
9:40 – 9:52 Mac and I are on the town!  After I reload him, we walk to a playground at Villa Ada.
9:52 – 10:27 I give Mac a chance to stretch his legs.  We do some time on the swings, but mostly I just help him pull up AKA his most favorite thing ever.  I also try to keep him from eating rocks, another favorite pursuit of his.
10:27 – 10:50 I recline Mac in the stroller and provide a pacifier to encourage napping.  We walk to the market, and sure enough, Mac closes his eyes right before we get there.
10:50 – 11:05 I visit my new bestie, AKA the egg lady.  Picture giant eggs with Auburn Tiger colored yolks.  Delish.  Once you go egg lady, you can’t go back, they say round these parts.  (20 eggs/6 euro)

Guess which one is the supermarket egg

Guess which one is the supermarket egg

We also visit our produce stall.  We picked this one because they have sweet potatoes, and now I’m working on becoming a regular.  After learning I’m from DC, Duder (I’ll get his name soon) introduces me to another customer who he says is from LA.  (Turns out to be San Francisco.)  But I love everything about this; I’m slowly starting to feel like a regular.

3.25_day 3

I was going to work up the courage to visit the fishmonger (almost all the fish are whole and will involve an interesting display of broken Italian and hand gestures on my part to make them manageable), but no fish on Mondays apparently.  This makes sense because fishermen are probably not out on Sundays.

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11:05 – 11:35 Mac is still asleep.  I decide to enjoy the sunny weather and just walk around for a bit.  I turn down a few new streets because why not.

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11:35 – 11:42 Back to school for Henry.  The kids are running around in the play area outside.  This is awesome (1) because Henry looks longingly at all the toys outside every time I coax him inside so I’m glad he got to experience it and (2) he is ALREADY wearing his coat and shoes.  SCORE.
11:42 – 11:54 We walk back home.  It still takes longer than 5 minutes.
11:54 – 11:56 We circle the building because Henry wants to see our car.
11:56 – 12:06 Unloading, de-coating, re-diapering.
12:06 – 12:30 We play.  I keep expecting Henry to ask to watch TV, but he only asks for potato chips.  I can work with that.
12:30 – 1:00 Lunch time!  Henry has yogurt, clementines, and potato chips.  Mac and I have leftovers and clementines.  I try to ask Henry about his time at school.  After spending so much time together, it intrigues me that he now has stuff of his own.  Because he is an unreliable narrator, I don’t even know what some of this stuff is.  Maybe they played with legos or maybe they went to the moon.  Who knows?
1:00 – 1:15 Prep for nap.  Story time.  Henry down.
1:15 – 1:20 Feed Mac.  Mac down.
1:20 – 1:25 Start a load of laundry.  Make popcorn.  Pull some stock out of the freezer for dinner.
1:25 – 1:40 Browse the internets while munching on popcorn and the last of the truffle pecorino from our trip to Pienza that I still need to tell you guys about.
1:40 – 2:45 Get my blog on.  Some combination of writing, photo editing, and link linking.  And Publish!
 2:45 – 2:55 Look up some recipe ideas for dinner.  Glance at a few other websites.
 2:55 – 2:56  Henry is awake and screaming.  They shorted me!  I know it is only a few minutes, but it feels significant.  Henry cannot be persuaded to stop screaming.  Now Mac is also screaming.  Coincidence . . . I think not.
 2:56 – 3:05  Screaming.
 3:05 – 4:00  Everyone is rediapered and has ceased screaming.  We play in the living room.
 4:00 – 4:05 And I have reached capacity.  I offer Mac a top up.  (Mac never refuses a top up.)  I announce that we are heading to the park.
 4:05 – 4:20 Shoes, coats, check diapers.  Finally they are loaded in the stroller with snack packs for their munching pleasure.
 4:20 – 4:40 We walk to Villa Borghese.  On the way, we run into one of James’s coworkers.  His family is out of town, and I extend a dinner invitation.
 4:40 – 5:25 We play in the park.  Henry runs around like a maniac.  I try to persuade Mac NOT to eat the rocks.

Someone seemed to be filming a very Rebecca Black style video here today

Someone seemed to be filming a very Rebecca Black style video here today
 5:25 – 6:00 We walk home.  De-coat.  Rediaper.  De-shoe.
 6:00 – 6:36 James gets home.  We debrief, and I head in to cook dinner.  I abandon whatever my plan for the chicken stock was and make chili.
6:36 – 7:30 James’s coworker arrives.  We sit to enjoy the cheesy chili goodness.
7:30 – 8:00 Prep the kids for bed.  Toothbrushing.  Diapers.  PJs.  Storytime.  I go put Mac down while James finishes up with Henry.
8:00 – 8:25 While James cleans the kitchen, I dork around on my phone.  I eventually abandon facebook and go in and talk to James.
 8:25 – 8:45 I’m beat.  I get ready for bed.
8:45 – 10:06  In bed reading.  I’m currently reading Book 2 of the Outlander series.  I was warned this would be addictive and it is.  The first book felt a little bodice-rippy, but I think it was just where the characters were then.  The writing is good, the story hums along, and it makes me want to plan a trip to Scotland immediately.

So that’s our new school day routine.  Henry goes three days a week, except when he doesn’t.  Like if it is raining.  Or we just don’t feel like it.  More on school soon.

Two hours feels incredibly short, but I try to have some dolce vita moments with Mac while Henry is at school.  We go on walks.  We hit markets.  We explore.  We’ve even gone to get cappuccino with James.  Good times.

How to Keep That Toy from Getting Stale

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“It looks like a day care threw up in my living room.”  ~recent quote from my sister

Yup.  I hear you.  Kids have toys.  Toys are fun.  They are good to have.

But.  Sometimes I get sick of stepping on another toy.  Or having a primary-colored explosion in the house.  Sometimes I am completely over and done with the toys.

Since we moved here, I’ve been practicing what I call Toy Rotation.  These are the toys available for play:

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In case you can’t tell from the mess, that is one shelf of books and two shelves of toys.  Not pictured:  a few freestanding things like Thomas Train, a car track, and the Exersaucer.

But where are the rest of the toys, you ask?  Come, I’ll show you.  They are tucked away in our apartment’s one walk-in closet.  Voila.

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This space used to look like this, but it was harshing my toy rotation.  I decided to move an underused bookcase into the space, and I’ve been very happy with the result.

2.12_stale 3

How my Toy Rotation works:  I just, you know, rotate the toys.  Sometimes every few days.  Sometimes once a week.  Whenever I feel the need.  Sometimes I rotate everything.  Sometimes I just swap a few things.  No fixed schedule.

Why I like the Toy Rotation:

  • This way I only have as many toys out as I can handle strewn across the living room floor.  And trust me, the toys are usually strewn across the living room floor.  I use the rotation to break up how many multi-piece toy sets are out to help on the all-over-the-floorness as well.
  • Mac has no opinions (that guy will chew on anything!), but Henry tends to quickly notice when new toys show up.  It helps him really see the toy again.  And then he actually plays with it.  It could just be him getting older, but I think he has a longer attention span with just a few toys out.  The other day, a sweat band came out of the toy closet.  Henry treated it like being reunited with an old friend.  He then spent quite a bit of time zinging the sweat band around the house.  Would said sweat band have garnered this enthusiasm if it were always in reach?  I can’t be sure, but I’m guessing not.
  • I always have something in reserve.  It’s been raining for days on end?  Ooo, look, new toys!!  I consider the toy reserve pretty sanity saving in these moments.  I also keep the coloring books, play doh, reusable stickers, and pipe cleaners tucked away to be deployed as needed, although Henry is now tall enough to reach this drawer so I may need to rethink the location.
  • It helps me see what toys to purge.  There are some toys that I haven’t rotated because they are kind of duds.  If a toy isn’t making it out of the closet, I should probably move it along.

But doesn’t Henry notice when his toys are gone?  Yes.  Sometimes.  But not as much as you’d think.  I haven’t attempted to rotate some of the most favorite toys.  Heaven forbid should the matchbox cars go on holiday.  But usually he just enjoys what is there.

When he asks about the truant toys, sometimes he is satisfied with “Dump truck isn’t out right now.”  Other times, I’ve made a rotation on the spot.  I’m hoping that is what the system will be someday.  A collaboration between us and them on having the toys they want without having toys everywhere.  I know I’m not the only one who has such a system.

I’ve had moments of hope.  The other day, Henry, unprompted by me, offered to exchange his moto for Thomas Train.  Yesssss, I thought.  This could work!  Then the next morning he raged hard that his moto was missing.  Sigh.  But at least I didn’t have to go far to retrieve the moto.

This system may not be a good fit for us forever.  But I’m definitely enjoying it for now.

Do you rotate?  Confine the toys to a certain location?  Any toy containment tips?

 

Opportunity Cost

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My grandmother passed away last week.  Her funeral was on Sunday.  I wasn’t there.

She was 94.  When she got pneumonia and then developed a MRSA infection, we knew it did not look good.  I was sad, but it was easy to rationalize things from a distance.  She’s 94.  She’s lived a good life.  These things happen.

Then I talked to my sister.  I talked to my Mom.  I felt the tears that I had been avoiding.  I couldn’t rationalize anymore.

We knew when we got the call that we would have to move quickly.  Would I go?  Take the kids?  Just take Mac?  All of us go?  Gulp, not go?

See, Mac is still nursing.  Because I didn’t go back to work this time, I haven’t been pumping.  I don’t have a freezer full of milk.  I have a baby who isn’t used to bottles.  (Although I guess he could just use a sippy cup.)  I knew there would be a cost to this approach.  I thought it would be not straying too far from the baby for about a year.  I didn’t fully understand that it would mean wrestling a 20 pound octopus on an overseas flight with two connections . . . or . . . missing my grandmother’s funeral.

I tried practicing with Mac.  Holding him in my lap.  We could make it about five minutes.  I just couldn’t imagine the flight by myself.

I couldn’t imagine leaving him either though.  I couldn’t help thinking if only he was just a tiny bit older.  Or if only he was a few months younger and could sit there like a newborn lump.

I got mad.  Mad at myself.  How did I get myself into this situation where I couldn’t leave him or go with him?  Why am I so scared of my own kid?  People do this and much much harder things every day.  “Why can’t you do this?” I berated myself over and over.

James and I talked through all the scenarios.  We talked about jet lag.  Car seats.  Ability to sit together on the plane.

And in the end, we decided not to go.  We had justifiable reasons.  But I can’t help thinking that they feel like excuses.  I think it was probably the right call.  But I feel crummy about it.  I won’t be able to let this go for awhile.

I wanted to be there to honor my Grandmother.  I wanted to be there for my dad.  I wanted to be there for the rest of my family.  I wanted to be able to cry and grieve with the people who loved her and then laugh and help each other build ourselves back up.

We talked about my Grandmother a lot this weekend.  I showed the boys pictures.  It still doesn’t quite feel real.

I’ve included her obituary below, but I’d like to tell you a little about my Grandmother.  She was a very special lady.  She was a nurse, and told me once that the doctor on her floor called her Mac, a name I’ve passed on to my own little guy.  She raised four children.  She loved a lot of grandchildren.  She loved my grandfather dearly, and she has been without him the last 20 years.  Even though my boys won’t remember it, I’m so glad they got to meet her.  I’m glad she was able to meet them.

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My sister and I loved spending a week with my grandparents each summer.  She taught us how to quilt.  We went on long walks.  My grandmother loved being outside.  She would soak up the warmth like her body temperature depended on it.  She gardened.  The beach was her happy place.

Whenever you said you were going somewhere, she’d say “bring me a rock.”  See, she collected rocks.  People brought her rocks from all over.  She didn’t really have them labeled or separated, but when you presented her with a rock, it was like you were giving her the world.  It could be a cobblestone from Rome or a rock from a local park; she loved them all.

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I haven’t brought her rocks the last few years.  She downsized when she moved into an assisted living facility.  She downsized again when she moved to a higher care floor.

This weekend, Henry handed me a rock.  Instead of letting it fall from my hands, I put it in my pocket.  And I’ll keep putting rocks in my pocket wherever we go.  And when we do get to go home, I will bring my grandmother fists fulls of rocks.

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Carolyn Crabtree McAllister Moose

Newberry, SC
February 14, 1921 – March 11, 2015

Carolyn Crabtree McAllister Moose, 94, was born on Valentine’s Day, Feb 14, 1921, in Mt. Pleasant, NC.  She was the daughter of the late Col. George Franklin McAllister, Headmaster of Mt. Pleasant Collegiate Institute, and Ethelyn Crabtree McAllister, educator at Mount Amoena Seminary also in Mt. Pleasant.

She was predeceased by two sisters, Virginia McAllister Smith and Elizabeth McAllister Boozer, and two brothers, Franklin Grady McAllister and Thomas Caswell McAllister.

Her formal education included Newberry College, Presbyterian Hospital School of Nursing, and graduation from Queens College with a BS in nursing.  Following her work as an obstetrical supervisor at Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte, N.C., she married the late Harry Edwin Moose on March 16, 1946.  She moved to Newberry, SC and was blessed with four children, Harry, Jr. (Karen), Jan (Stuart Ballard), Tommy (Jane) and Richard (Gail).  These children provided Carolyn with 11 grandchildren and 17 great grandchildren.  She is also survived by a brother-in-law, Ralph H. Moose.

Carolyn devoted her life to her husband and family, participating in all activities from church to school to music to all things Clemson.

She also enjoyed yard work, traveling, cross stitching, and quilting, making a special quilt for each of her children and grandchildren.

She was a devoted, active member of Lutheran Church of the Redeemer serving as a choir member for many years.

Carolyn’s love of her family and people was her cornerstone in life.  She truly believed she was that person who wanted to live in a house by the side of the road and be a friend to all.

For those who wish to honor Carolyn, the family suggests donations be made to the Organ Fund of Lutheran Church of the Redeemer, 1515 Boundary St., Newberry, SC 29108 or to the Eastern Cabarrus Historical Society, 1100 Main St. N, Mt. Pleasant, NC 28124, which serves to preserve Mount Pleasant Collegiate Institute main building and library.

Active pallbearers will be Henry Brock, Tom Hegele, Brent Ballard, Mark Ballard, Stephen Moose, Brandon Moose, Don Whittington and Billy Moose.

Honorary pallbearers will be members of the Francis I. Fesperman Sunday School Class and members of the choir of Lutheran Church of the Redeemer.

5 Things I Wish I’d Known When Going Back to Work After Baby

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3.10_henry

It’s hard.  Whether you are going back after a few days, a few weeks, or a few months, going back to work after welcoming your bundle of joy is tough.  Your body is still healing, you are faced with the delightful choice of putting on the maternity clothes AGAIN or stuffing your body into your prebaby duds, and you will be spending a bit less time with your new arrival.

Even if you are psyched about the prospect of picking up where you left off or just enjoying conversations with other adults that don’t revolve around poop–no judgment here–change is hard.  Going back to work is definitely a change.  On top of that oh, you know, no-big-deal-you-just-produced-another-human-being change.

Here a few tips to help you keep your sanity during this super fun time.  I certainly don’t have anything figured out, but I wish I’d thought of these before.

1. Just go ahead and get some labels already.

If your child is going to be cared for in any setting that will involve multiple children, just get some nice labels.  After months of cobbling together schemes of permanent marker and painters tape, we finally got some Mabel’s Labels.  I immediately wondered why I had not done this sooner.  See, for daycare, you have to label EVERYTHING.  Bottles, bottoms AND lids.  Pacifiers.  Sippy cups.  Onesies.  Shoes.  I heard of a friend’s daycare where you actually had to label individual diapers.  Say what?

I would do things like, of course, label the spare outfit, but then forget to label the outfit the baby was wearing, which was much less obviously your baby’s once it was removed.  Just do it.  Invest in some labels.  The ones we got have survived eleventy billion dishwasherings and umpteen laundryings.  It will keep your daycare providers from silently, politely cursing you out and from you losing that one Ralph Lauren ensem you got as a gift.  (Aside: labels are a great gift for a new baby.  They would make a great shower gift, except no one shares that name anymore.)

2. Think about a schedule.

That’s right.  I said it.  The controversial “s” word.  This one applies to babies that are more in the months-old rather than weeks-old stage.  If you aren’t into schedules, that is totally cool.  Do you.  But I posit that it is less stressful to hand your baby over when you can provide clear guidance on what the baby likes.  At least for me, being able to say “he eats around 11:00 and around 3:00” was more calming than having to say “oh, just feed him whenever you think he seems hungry.”  You know your baby better than anybody.  Being able to share some of that knowledge can give you peace of mind.  Also, some daycares have schedules they do for all the kids.  It’s worth checking on to see if you should be working toward that schedule.

And I don’t just mean schedule for the baby.  Think about your schedule.  You and your partner have to now–on a daily basis–perform a coordinated operation on the level of planning of some military attacks, just to get your baby out the door and back in.  (This applies less if you have a nanny or someone coming to you.)  First, think about what makes sense given your work.  Do you always have a client calling you at 5:00 pm?  Maybe pick up is not for you.  Dreading the psychological toll of drop off every day?  Maybe you can negotiate with your partner and do pick up.  Doing extra stuff (aka retrieving your very precious cargo) on top of your work day is hard.  Think about how you can do this as painlessly as possible.

Also, make a plan for getting out the door.  For a long time, I had a post it on our front door with a list of what was needed each day for the baby.  It did not prevent all failures, but I’d like to think it helped on some.  If your partner is in charge of dropping off a stroller so that you can walk home with the baby, you don’t want to just leave that to chance.  (Or vice versa of course.)

In addition to making a plan for the stuff, plan on the time suck.  I swear there is a time vortex that eats about 15 minutes between when I lock my house door and get in the car.  I don’t know where the time goes, but the vortex is real and that time is gone forever.  You cannot prevent the vortex, but knowing is half the battle.

3. Make a plan for washing ALL THAT STUFF.

You are probably already accustomed to an uptick on the laundry front. If you have to dress up for work, I recommend waiting until the very last minute to put on your fancy clothes and then taking them off immediately upon setting foot back in the door.  This will save on laundry and dry cleaning.  Trust.

Now on top of the laundry, be prepared to tackle things in the kitchen.  If you have a young baby, that probably means bottles.  If you are pumping, that also means pump parts.  Even with nifty sterilization bags and trays and whatnot, you still have to go through several steps that you did not have to do before.  This is eating into your work or family or TV or whatever time.  Make a plan with your partner.  I don’t know how to make it take less time, but expecting that it will take time can save your sanity.  I also don’t know how to make it fun, but throw in a podcast or glass of wine and it is practically “me” time.  Snort.

4. You found childcare you like?  Great, GET MORE.

You can plan for the known.  You should also plan for the known unknowns.  Right now this means snow days and sick days. You don’t know when they are coming, but they are definitely barreling your way.

I don’t have a good answer for this; it was an area where I failed.  Who will watch a sick kid without notice and who can get to you in the snow anyway?  But, especially if you don’t have family close by, you should try in case your boss still believes in deadlines even when day care is closed.

At least talk about a plan with your partner because this will come up.  Some services watch sick kids.  Your work may have a suggestion.  This would be a good time to make friends with the neighbors as well.  On snow days, maybe you guys could trade watching kids so that you could each at least get a half day of work in.

Also, if your work offers any sort of possibility to work remotely, make sure you have that all set up and ready to go.  You don’t want to wait until there is ice on the road and your kid is streaming snot to find out your VPN fob is only a decorative key chain.

5. Expect it to suck for awhile.

You may hate the first day.  You may hate the first week.  Don’t make any snap decisions.  I’ll grudgingly admit our moms were right; time does help.  It takes awhile to settle into any new routine.  Give it some time.

You are returning to work a changed person.  Your world has been turned upside down and put back together with gummy smiles and spit up.  But you are returning to a world where little has changed.  Your colleagues, who may have been covering your TPS reports while you were out, are likely dealing with the same problems, same clients, and same everything.  They just don’t understand how fully your world has been rocked.

Maybe it will be smooth sailing.  But I say to treat it as I advise all my friends interested in breastfeeding:  expect it to be the worst thing ever and be pleasantly surprised if it isn’t.  If you are a month or two in and everything is awful, maybe think about some other options.  But remember, give it some time.

How was your transition?  Any other tips?

Shut it down

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Dear Mac,

You are now 10 months old.  I know this is how things work, but if you could please slow. it. down.  For some reason, 9 months felt OK, but 10 months feels so incredibly close to ONE YEAR.  Not OK.  Shut it down, please and thank you.

You haven’t shown the slightest interest in crawling, but I think you would stand all day if you could.  You’ve started getting cocky.  Look, Ma, one hand!  Look, Ma, no hands!  Sometimes this works.  Most times it does not.  You are taking a few tentative steps with your feet.  Nothing in a purposeful direction yet, but I think the days when I hunch over so you can “walk” around the playground are near.  My back is sore just thinking about it, but I am excited for you.

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Holding you is like trying to wrestle an octopus; you are always trying to wriggle out of our grasp.  Changing time is when you most want to roll.  You have perfected the screaming back arch.  This makes putting you in high chairs, strollers, and car seats much more interesting.  You caught my throat the other day doing this.  That’s a hard head, son.  Feel free to also shut this down.

You have so much hair!  Once I realized how cute your hat hair is, I try to mess it up on purpose now.  You sort of look like a Tweety Bird.  I love it.

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Tooth #2 is staring to make an appearance.  Also at an odd angle.  I will not be surprised if braces are in your and your brother’s futures.  You haven’t complained too much about all the teething.  You do things like suck on your palm and chew on your hand; it seems to provide you some relief.

You have complained about being sick.  After your first bout with illness, you have had another thanks to Henry’s day care aka a kiddo petri dish.  We’ve all been a little sick.  You seemed to be holding off, but now you’ve succumbed.  Your poor cough rattles your little body, and you sound like a two-pack-a-day smoker.  Your nose is running, and you HATE to have it wiped.  I wish I could fix these things for you; I really do.  We even had a family visit to the doctor, but nothing to be done.  Hopefully you will be snot free and chipper soon.

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We were making progress on Operation Sleep-Through-the-Night, but your illness has set us back.  I can’t do any tough love when you sound like a whole pack of barking dogs.  Poor baby.

You are eating three solid meals a day.  You seem to love all food.  Clementines are one of your current faves. I’m psyched that we all eat the same breakfast together now, eggs + fruit or sweet potato or something.  I see you pincer, but you are also a pro at stuffing food into your meaty manos.  You’ll eat merrily along and only later will we realize that you have two puffs and a hunk of apple tightly grasped in your fist.  You can drink out of a sippy cup, but you also enjoy “drinking” from it upside down, smashing food with it, etc.  You have started a super fun new game of throw my fork on the ground and see if Mommy picks it up.  This too, shut it down, thanks in advance.

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Your fierce devotion to your brother continues.  He has started unpromptedly bringing you toys on occasion, and it makes my heart smile.  He also unpromptedly continues to tackle you.  Sometimes you like this.  Many times not.  (Henry, seriously, shut it down.)

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Despite your sniffles, you continue to be our easy-going, joyful little guy.  Your eyes light up when I walk into a room.  You enthusiastically reach for our hands at the blessing before dinner, blessing our hands with smears of food.  You sing and talk and love to look around and see what is going on.  You have started helping a bit when I get dressed and shifting your toy from one hand to another.  Your “move” is sticking out your pointer finger and trying to jam it in peoples’ mouths.  Sometimes Henry is game, but this is confusing for him.  How can he honor the strict “Don’t bite Mac” policy when you are literally stuffing your fingers in his mouth?

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Looking forward to helping you toddle and showing off your chunky thighs as it warms up.  Sigh, even if it means getting older.

Love, Mom

P.S.  More Mac at 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 8 months, and 9 months.

 

Midcentury awesome

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Once upon a time when Henry was wee, we finally got around to seeing Frank Lloyd Wright’s Pope-Leighey House in Virginia.  The house sits on the grounds of Woodlawn, a Georgian/Federal house designed by William Thornton, architect of the U.S. Capitol, for George Washington’s nephew.  So if you make the trip, you can get your architectural fix with two very different styles on the same day.

Of course, I knew who Frank Lloyd Wright was.  He could be the only actual architect I can name.  But I couldn’t tell you tons about his style or his work.  We toured one of his rooms at the Met, but this was my first time inside an actual Wright building.

It was certainly the first time I heard of Usonian homes.  These were homes Wright designed to be simple and affordable for all, although it didn’t really work out that way.

On our Pope-Leighey tour, I was blown away.  The home was simple, but unique.  You could tell that a lot of design went into the house.  (I’m a fan.)  All the way down to details like the kitchen cabinet doors opening a certain way so that guests couldn’t see inside.  The house features beautiful wood and other natural materials.

Wright designed all the furniture.  The result was modular furniture that could be configured in various ways.  This cut down on the amount of stuff you would need.

This was a good feature because there is no wasted space in this house.  There is limited storage.  You have built in space for clothes.  Just not a lot of clothes.  This house would force you to live intentionally.  You would have to limit yourself to things you only truly needed and loved.

I was sold.  I would have moved in immediately.  I think I had been moving that way, but this house really kicked my inclinations on minimalism and simplicity into overdrive.  The idea of living like this house was an inspiration as we pared down for the move overseas.

A few months back, I decided to watch a few episodes of Bones.  This is not a show in the regular rotation.  It is also a rare show that I watch without James.  I guess I just felt like couch potatoing.

When I saw their new house on the show, I felt it again.  I was blown away by this house.  I immediately started googling for more pics.

The house is decidedly midcentury modern.  And I love it.  I love the openness.  I love the glassed off atrium area.  I love the clean lines.  I love the texture of the wood.  I love the way they have it styled.

All images via TVLine

 

 

 

 

Part of me is surprised that I love it.  I thought I liked more traditional styles.  But then I started doing things like buying knock off Louis XVI ghost chairs.  It forced me to reconsider my previous assumptions.  I like modern.  Huh.

But that is one of the most fun things about being an adult after all.  Figuring out what you like.  And then liking what you like.

Do you have a favorite style?  Can you name two architects?  Have you visited the Pope-Leighey house?  I’d definitely recommend if you find yourself in NOVA.  I’d like to put together some more Wright pilgrimages myself.  Did you know kids under 6 can’t tour Fallingwater?

 

This is why I moved to Rome (Visit to Parco degli Acquedotti)

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I think whenever you make a major life change there is a compulsion to justify it with optimism and cheer, even if it is sometimes forced.  Because if the new situation isn’t better, why did you blow up your life?  Why did you get that new car or change jobs or buy that house or move across the world if you aren’t happier?

This was true for me, anyway.  When we first moved here, I met every obstacle with a sort of manic enthusiasm.  Oh, the sidewalk is busted and there are three cars parked in the middle of it?  No problem, that eight block detour lets us explore more of the neighborhood!  Ooo, more dog feces on the sidewalk, how charming!  I wanted everything to be great, and I was going to enjoy it.  NO MATTER WHAT.

The wheels started coming off the wagon around the time we went to Germany in December.  Everything was just so easy there.  Sidewalks were in good working order.  Pedestrian zones abounded.  Public transportation was a snap.  Restaurants were open when we wanted them to be.  It was convenient.  It was nice.  It made me realize how different things in Rome are.

I slowly started to acknowledge that there are some annoyances here.  The sidewalks and roads frustrate me on a daily basis.  I’d love to be able to walk around without being stuck behind smokers.  It would be great if the hard water didn’t leave grit and film on our dishes and glassware.

Things aren’t perfect.  And that’s OK.  Because nothing is perfect all the time.  Some days are good.  Some days are bad.  And some days are just, you know, ordinary days.  This is normal.  This was true when we lived in DC.  It is true now.

I do have plenty of highs to go with the lows.  I’m spending oodles of time with my two adorable weirdos.  (This is sometimes also a low, but generally a positive.)  I’m eating pasta so good that it would make you cry.  I haven’t seen snow all winter.  There is so much here to do and explore.

Recently, we ventured over to Parco degli Acquedotti (Aqueduct Park).  We drove–and James is driving a bit more Roman today than my stomach likes–but you can easily get here on the metro.  A few stops would work, but Giulio Agricola is probably your best bet coming from downtown.

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The park is a relatively flat stretch of land that is crossed by, you guessed it, an ancient Roman aqueduct.  There are actually two aqueducts, but one is in better shape.

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Because of the flat tracks looping around, the parks was a popular spot for bikers, runners, and walkers like us.  This would be a great spot to get in a run and soak up some ruins on a quick trip to Rome.  There is also a playground, if you are into that sort of thing.  (We are into that sort of thing.)

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We stalled Henry from the playground long enough to do a walk by the aqueduct.  Even though it was February, the temperature was up in the 60s.  In the sun, it almost felt hot, and we ditched coats for the first time of the year.

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I pushed Mac along the path, contemplating the civilization that created these aqueducts that would stand for hundreds and hundreds of years.  I watched Henry kicking a soccer ball up and down the path.  I smiled at James in the bright sunlight, soaking in the coatless February weather.  And I just thought–THIS.  This is why I wanted to move to Rome.

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Resume padding

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Since we’ve been here, I’ve been learning some new skills.  Sadly, I don’t think these would turn heads on a resume.  Which is a shame, because I have been putting in HOURS of practice honing these skillz.

I can now:

  • produce a snack from somewhere on my person in any situation.
  • produce a tissue from somewhere my person in any situation.
  • get about seven million blows out of said tissue.
  • recite all the words to Mater’s Tall Tales.
  • recite all the words to various Winnie the Pooh episodes.
  • recite all the words to Frozen.
  • sing all the songs in Frozen better than Broadway stars in my own mind.
  • pour out the exact amount of laundry detergent without looking at the line.
  • produce edible food for four people regardless of the state of our fridge and pantry.
  • feed myself and two other people simultaneously, sometimes while loading or unloading the dishwasher.
  • fasten the baby into a carrier by myself, even while wearing my thickest coat.

I’m also working on badly aligned weight training and negotiating with irrational people.  Maybe a next career as a bouncer?  Yes, ma’am, I’m sure you ARE very important, but you’re not on the list.