A series of unfortunate events OR that time I was pooped on by a peacock

My beautiful, feathered nemesis

My beautiful, feathered nemesis

Henry hasn’t made it to school all week.  Poor kid.  He still has that cough and cold, and he had a few days of fever earlier in the week.  We even went to the doctor, but there wasn’t anything to be done.  Just the usual fluids and rest.  While sitting there hacking with snot dripping off his face, Henry keeps looking up and saying “What happen to me?”  It is adorably heartbreaking.

At my request, James called school on Wednesday.  By “school” I mean “completely voluntary pay by the hour day care,” so they didn’t really need to know, but because the whole thing is so new, I didn’t want them to think we had just vanished.  They reminded James about the upcoming facilities move next week.  James said cool and Henry would try to make it on Friday.

Fast forward to today.  I fight to get everyone out the door.  We roll up to day care.  I’m greeted at the door by one of the English speakers.  She’s apologetic.  They packed up all the toys already.  It’s a busy day preparing for the move.  It’s not the best time.  You can leave him if you really need to . . .

I get it.  It’s fine.  I was proud that I said exactly what I wanted in that moment (rare for me) which was, “it’s no problem.  I wish you had told me, but it’s fine.”  (I also wish they had told me before I unloaded both kids from the stroller, but that’s another story.)

A small part of me was irked, but I quickly shook it off.  It was a truly gorgeous day.  Warm.  Sunny.  Not a cloud in the blue Mediterranean sky.  We were already dressed and out the door; we could do anything!  I quickly assessed my mom gear.  I had packed standard gear (diapers, wipes, Puffs) instead of heavy duty outing my gear (more snacks, sippy cups, etc.), but I thought we’d be fine for a trip to the zoo.

And so we zoo-ed.  Definitely more people there than usual.  On most weekdays, I count more people working at the zoo than visiting it.  But today we saw school groups and families.  I don’t know if it was the Friday or the warmer weather, but other people had the same idea.

We made it through our usual faves.  Monkeys.  Giraffe.  Skipped the farm animals today.  Plenty of peacock sightings.

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One of the things I love about Rome’s zoo is the roaming hordes of peacocks.  I guess more properly the roaming musters or ostentations of peacocks.  My zoo growing up had a one or two peacocks strutting around and it was always a hunt to try to spot them.  Here, there is no hunt.  You’ll turn a corner.  BAM.  Muster of peacock crossing your way.

Henry was strangely psyched about the ducks.  I think because he can get fairly close to them.  We headed that way.  It was a honking cacophony of wonder.  We heard swans trumpet.  We saw ducks rumble.

Then Mac was starting to get antsy.  I had my eye on the clock.  I swear I spend half my time thinking about where the next food is coming from.  This time, I decided to get a little “crazy.”  Usually we do our eating at home.  It’s not really a money thing.  It’s not even an Italian language thing.  I just get frustrated juggling the two kids for eating eating on the go.  Like real sitting down and eating.  Handing snacks in stroller is obviously a different story.  But this time, I thought we’d try something different.  I saw that the Oasis Cafe by the pond was open.  Why not extend the fun with some food?

After being swarmed by a school group while placing our order, we sat down with a panino, chips, and water.

What follows are the actual emails I sent to James about our degustation exploration.

Good news, Zoo snack bar is open. Bad news, being swarmed by peacocks.

That’s right.  Those beautiful creatures were now ALL up in our grill.  To the point that I was using my feet to try to get them to backup.  Not actually making contact with them, of course.  Just making sort of a shooing motion.  The ducks stayed put by the pond, but we also attracted a crowd of pigeons, crows, and seagulls.  We really weren’t trying to feed anyone.  I guess they know that kids are the best free lunch around.

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After some munching, I realized I had inadvertently sat down beside the smoking area.  When other patrons vacated the only truly sunny table, I decided we’d make a switch.  With holding Mac and pushing stroller and moving food, I needed to make a few trips.  I left the food unattended.  For just a few moments.  MISTAKE.  I turned by back and giant crow was trying to fly off with Henry’s half of the panino.  I charged and he abandoned his spoil, but he stayed creepily staring at us from a bush a few feet away for the rest of the meal.

When I was taking a sip of water, they came and snatched the bread out of Mac’s hand. We’re leaving now.

At this point, Mac was sitting IN MY LAP.  That brazen peacock hussy came right up and took bread FROM A BABY.  Peacock, have you no shame???   OK, peacocks.  Before this was all in good fun, but this just got real.  Don’t mess with my baby.  Luckily Mac was not hurt, and he seemed too shocked to be upset.  (Which was good because that was the last of the bread.)

While packing up a bird pooped on my head. It is directly on the back of my head, and I can’t see it.

YUP.  That happened.  I felt the wet splat.  I hoped, fleetingly, that it may have been a nut off a tree.  But no.  I knew.  I had been pooped on.  Lucky me.

I couldn’t spot the culprit.  At this point, I can neither confirm nor deny that I was pooped on by a peacock.  So let’s just say I was pooped on by a peacock.  It makes a much better story.

So I did the only thing you can in this situation.  I baby wiped the back of my head.  I put my hair up.  And I just laughed.  You can’t make this stuff up, folks.

On the walk home, where both kids fell asleep, because of course they did, I overheard someone tell someone else to have a good weekend.  So at least I learned something.  Buon fine settimana, ya’ll!  May your days be free of peacock poop.

Henry is a hoot

Henry says some pretty hilarious things.  I’ve been told that I used to say hilarious things once, but my parents didn’t write it down and cannot remember even one witty anecdote.  Inspired by YHL’s Clara Conversations, I wanted to share some Henry-isms as I collect a critical mass.

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Me: (taking off shirt)
Henry: Don’t take off that shirt!
Me: (putting on new shirt)
Henry: Don’t put on that shirt!
Me: Why not?
Henry: It will burn you.

Me: (with head down on table)
Henry: Mommy, don’t hide!

Henry: (Anytime he or his brother poops)  I wanna see it.  (For the record, I did not start this, and I am not a fan.)

Henry: (Rolling in on his friend’s Plasma Car)  I’m doing a great job!

Me: (trying to brush Henry’s teeth) Show me those alligator teeth.
Henry: I show my crocodile teeth.

Friday Fantastic A Number One Linky Party Extravaganza (and can we be FB friends?)

Hi friends!  Sorry for the light posting this week.  We were traveling for the holiday weekend and now we’re all sick.  (I am totally mouth breathing as I type this post.)

My mom left this week.  I miss her like a toddler loves changing his mind, but I’ve been pumped to get my own room back.  Especially now that everyone’s nights are punctuated by hacking fits.  Sexy!  I am pleased to report that we did everything on the to do list with my mom, plus some bonuses like visits to the zoo and a chocolate factory.  Even though she is gone now, my chin is up, because I think she will be back soon for additional shenanigans.

On the blog front, I owe you guys posts on Montepulciano and surrounding towns, Carnival, Orvieto, Villa D’Este in Tivoli, dining near the Pantheon, and Piazza Barberini.  Also info on the Henry day care situation and an updated state of the situation.  Can you believe we’ve been here six months??  That is 1/6 of my Italian adventure already finito.  I better get on that travel list!

In “exciting” news, Roman Reboot now has its own facebook pageClick on over there if you’d like to see me mangle another form of social media!

Thanks to my sister for these sweet outfits from her recent trip to India.  We may have had to cut Mac out of his bodice after the shoot, but we’ll always have the pics.  🙂

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I didn’t watch the Super Bowl, but I did catch some commercials and the halftime show after the fact.  This Diary of the Left Shark cracks me up.  Every.  Time.

My mom mentioned she was considering getting purse boots for her recent trip.  I think I may have done a spit take.  Say what?  Turns out, Purse n’ Boots are exactly what you’d think.  Boots with space for your stuff.  I scoffed, can it fit your cell phone?  IT CAN.  So they claim.  I must admit that I’m intrigued.  I actually really like the riding and combat boots.  I just wish they had pictures of the boots on actual people.  Can this be comfortable?  It seems like a win for vacations to pick-pockety destinations, except for the fact that most people don’t travel in boot weather.

I like my place, but I would move here tomorrow.

After gorgeous weather all week (I know, I know, shutting up), it looks like it will rain here all weekend.  I’m trying to plan some inside fun.  Shauna Niequist’s Bread and Wine has gotten me more excited about cooking so we may try some new recipes.  (The book is a touch on the churchy side–just mentioning in case not your jam, but I heartily recommend.)  We may even try to watch a whole movie on Netflix.  Lately, we’ve just been picking off TV episodes.  (Here’s a list of best TV on Netflix if you are looking to start a new series.)  OR just drop everything and start watching Bojack Horseman.  Immediately.  Will Arnett.  Aaron Paul.  Amy Sedaris.  Alison Brie.

Meet the most beloved sitcom horse of the ’90s … 20 years later. BoJack Horseman was the star of the hit TV show “Horsin’ Around,” but today he’s washed up, living in a Hollywood bachelor pad, complaining about everything, and sometimes wearing colorful sweaters. Set in an L.A. where humans and anthropomorphic animal-people coexist, “BoJack Horseman” is about one man (well, horse-man) who peaked too early and must figure out what to do next.

If you liked anything slightly oddball like Community, 30 Rock, or Arrested Development, I say to give it a shot.

How you doin’?  Big weekend plans?  Would you try purse boots?  Already finished Bojack?  Pretty funny, right??

And in the 9th month, there was tooth

Dear Mac,

You did it!  You now have a tiny sliver of your right bottom tooth sticking out from your gum.  At first, I could only feel it.  Now I can see it in certain lights and angles.  No word yet from its tooth brethren.  I was starting to think I’d be pureeing your steak for the next five years.  (Or, you know, more steak for me.)  But now, tooth!  (Also, we don’t eat much steak.  This isn’t really steak country.)

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You are also SUPER into pulling up.  Not yet on furniture, but on people.  You will be sitting and practically lunge at my hands.  You want to be up, Up, UP.  You stand up for minutes at a time if someone holds you.  You love it.  You haven’t really taken any steps yet, but at this rate, you may just skip crawling.

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Your love affair with food continues.  You have discovered the colorful world of puffs and they are your everything.  The subtleties of the snack pack container currently elude you, but you will not be denied.  You cram a few puffs in your fist at once and then work them out to your mouth.  It is quite the operation.  Your love affair with puffs has, of course, rekindled your brother’s previously dormant desire for puffs.  Choline for everyone!  Including the floor.  Especially the floor.  These things are like a magnet for the feets.

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You are becoming pretty sensitive about noticing that you do not have what others have.  “I have apple bits, but you have apple slice!  Unfair!!”  Things like this.  I promise to try to provide you with as many developmentally appropriate equivalents as possible, but as my mom always says, life isn’t fair.

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You’ve been bunking in our room because of Nana’s visit.  I’d endure much more to spend time with Nana, but I’ll be glad for you to go back to your room.  Man, you make some noise at night.  First, there is the serious leg jackknifing.  Then, in the early morning hours, you start conducting your own talk show.  I don’t know what it’s about or who your guests are, but everyone sounds pretty happy.  A few times I know I’ve fed you when I probably wouldn’t have usually, just to get you to wrap up your set.  Maybe you and your brother will be ready to try bunking together for our next guests this spring.  (We opted not to try this visit after Munich when your brother would scream “MACKLES” at your crib once you finally settled down.)

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Speaking of your brother, the Stockholm syndrome continues.  You look at him like a brainwashed cult member.  James commented that some highlights of your day were being tackled by Henry.  You don’t always love being manhandled, but you do love your brother.  One of my favorite parts of the day is at bedtime when Henry tells you goodnight and “I’ll love you in the morning.”  This seems to be Henry’s mashup of hearing “I love you” and “I’ll see you in the morning.”  This could definitely be a new family phrase.

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Your brother just started day care a few mornings each week.  This means that you and I have some quality togetherness time to take on Rome.  Unfortunately, I’ve been developing some soreness in my side after wearing you in your carrier, but I never let silly little things like that stop me.  Let’s see what mischief we can get up to.

Love, Mom

 

What Nobody Tells You About Pregnancy

Ok, here’s the scoop.  Did you know that your hair looks amazing while you are pregnant?  Lush, shiny, full.  Probably as a gift to distract from cankles.  Of course you knew that.  This is no secret.

BUT did you know that a few months after you have the baby, your hair falls out??  Apparently, the lushness and shininess is all because the hairs are hanging on and not letting go.  But NOW.  This is their time to jet.  We’re talking about more hair shedding around the house than living with a sheepdog with allergies.  So much hair falling out in the shower that you wonder how you still have hair on your head.  So much hair that you somehow find one in the baby’s diaper.  So much hair that your two-year-old is so used to finding errant mommy hairs around that he knows to go put them in the trash.

Oh, you knew that, too?  Well, aren’t you savvy.  You get a pregnancy gold star.

BUT.  No really.  This is the part that no one tells you.

Regrowing your hair really sucks.

For example, I have these two little tufts at my crown.  Sometimes they can be covered by the existing hair.  But sometimes they curl up like little devil horns.  Sometimes they just do not want to be tamed.

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Mom trick: using a cute baby to distract from hair horns

I think the hair-tuation was mostly solved last time by having another baby.  Alas, this is not a long term strategy or solution.  Short term solution:  headbands.

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#halfbangsareawesome #hairhorns #tuftsFTW

Podcasts led me to Poop into a Wormhole

So this is the issue with me trying to stockpile posts in advance.  I find that I keep changing what I want to say.

What is this podcast of which you speak

For example, on podcasts, first I was just going to point out that I’m late to the party.  Because this is a tech-related party, no one here should be shocked.  Melissa can’t figure out something that the rest of us have been doing for years and is basically like listening to snippets of NPR???  CLUTCHES PEARLS IN DISBELIEF.

I’m pretty behind on the news generally as well.  I tell James and friends that if anything happens in the world, they really need to let me know, because otherwise it could take awhile to filter down to me.  Friends smile and give me a figurative pat on the head like a kid freaking out about a monster hiding under the bed with a surprise pop quiz.  James nods stoically and tries to catalog news as he hears it because he knows the situation is dire.  I’m not proud of this.  It is definitely something to work on in 2015.

You may see where this is going.  I didn’t learn of Serial until it was over and done and it was already a big thing.  I’m actually kind of glad about this for two reasons:  (1) I do much better in a binge consuming format instead of patiently waiting for the next installment to hurry up and come out already and (2) I enjoyed it more knowing how it would end.  I know some people don’t dig ambiguity.  Normally I am one of them, but just knowing that I wouldn’t know made the whole experience OK.

When do you do the cast of pod

Next, I thought, well everyone knows about Serial.  Maybe I’ll just talk about when you listen to podcasts.  See, I had to figure out a good time to listen.  I don’t have a traditional commute.  Even when I used to commute, I would usually read WaPo’s free newspaper-let Express.  (Man, I heart Express.  I couldn’t even look up this link without clicking on two articles.)

I wasn’t one to listen to music on my phone.  Being tied to a phone still feels weird, but that’s another story.  This drives James nuts, but I’m not good on ambient noise.  Ambient noise in this case, much to James’s chagrin, includes music.  I LOVE music, but I find it impossible to write or read if there is music (with lyrics) in the room.  James would listen to tunes–including an embarrassingly large amount of Brit bubble gum pop–24/7 if it were an option.  #sorryjames #notanoption

Despite my focus problems, I found a few times that fit for listening.  Playing with Mac on the rare-ish times when Henry is sleeping is a good one.  I do talk to Mac, but our less verbal play means the podcast isn’t distracting.  And I’m less worried any strong language.

Another time is when I’m editing photos.  I edit photos with picmonkey, and I’ve been trying to get better about batching my photo editing time.  I find this lower plane thinking click-click task suited to some distraction.  It has made something that I’m not wild about something I actually look forward to.

The other day, I even listened to a podcast while cooking!  I usually wait to start dinner until James gets home.  Cooking with two kids (literally) underfoot is frustrating at best and a recipe for disaster at worst.  So James has some time with the kids, and I have some “me time” while cooking.  SNORT.  But it does feel a little more special to have some entertainment while I’m frantically trying to dice an onion and not burn things.

Why do we podcast anyway?

But this made me wonder, what are we listening to podcasts?  And is it a good thing?  Doesn’t it seem weird on some level that we are reverting to a form of entertainment that was popular decades ago?  At first, I thought, maybe this is good that we are getting a bit more low tech.  We don’t need a screen.  We just want to listen.

But then I wondered about a more sinister side to podcasts.  You’ve seen how smartphones can be bad because they keep us from spacing out?  Without down time and boredom, you don’t daydream or have a chance to think deep thoughts.

I worry about our phones generally.  I worry about raising my kids around phones specifically.  How to balance the good side and benefits with the rudeness and headaches and crappy side?

I’m on the low phone use end of the spectrum.  As I type this, I’m not really sure where my phone is.  I’m sure it’s around.  As the caretaker of two kids, I’ve made a concerted effort to have the phone with me when we go out.  But if James is with us, I’ll probably ditch the phone.  Is this weird?   I don’t know.  Probably.

So are people using podcasts instead of phones OR are they using podcasts at times when phones aren’t convenient to squeeze in as much extra media as possible and stave off boredom?  You can podcast when you fold the laundry or cook dinner.  It makes tedious things more interesting.  But is this good?  Is it good to have a tool that creates even fewer opportunities to be alone with our thoughts?

But lately, when the end of the afternoon seems to drag on forever, I’ve been playing classical music while I play with the kids.  I know.  That makes me sound like that mom.  I really don’t know that much about classical music.  I just know that I get overwhelmed and such if I have music with words playing.  I know.  Weird.  But that’s how it is.

And the music is nice.  I’m learning things.  Maybe the kids are enjoying it.  It gives some pep to a dreary afternoon when we are stuck inside.

Would it be better if we played in silence?  I mean, not silence, but just talking to each other all original communication gangster.  I don’t know.  Maybe sometimes?  But I think sometimes there is a place for music.  And I think sometimes there is probably a place for podcasts as well.

The train has left the station.  What do we listen to next?

I blew through Serial.  But then what?  So then I thought, ooo, maybe I should write a “How to Find Your Next Awesome Podcast Listen” type post.  (I’m trying to get better about formulating attractive titles.)  But then I would need advice on how to find interesting podcasts.  Luckily, I have devised a two-step formula:

  1. Listen to what your friends like.
  2. Once you discover a podcast you like, track all of that podcaster’s work.

Here’s the formula in action.  I stumbled onto StartUp, “[a] series about what happens when someone who knows nothing about business starts one,” from a Modern Mrs. Darcy recommendation.  (A virtual, you’ve never actually met “friend” also works for the formula.)  As someone who has toyed with writing a book called something like What Happened to All the Entrepreneurs?, I’m hooked.

After StartUp, I tried Gimlet Media’s other show, Reply All, a show about the internet, hosted by PJ Vogt and Alex Goldman.  I like it.  It touches on pieces of the internet I’d never otherwise encounter.  In my can’t-even-keep-up-with-current-events state, it makes me feel a little savvy and cutting edge.

After I caught up on Reply All, I decided to check out PJ Vogt’s and Alex Goldman’s previous show TLDR.  This show is shorter.  Usually seven-ish minutes of perfect potato chip snacking.  I usually can’t eat just one.  Again, none of this is info I need to know, but some of it is downright interesting.

Which brings me to TLDR Episode #10, One Hundred Songs in a Day.  Here, the hosts profile Matt Farley, a musician who instead of making one big hit song has made thousands of no-hit-wonders.   These songs add up though, and Farley makes over $20,000 in royalties a year.

And THIS led me to Farley’s genius work, Poop Into A Wormhole:

(Henry watches the video and says, “That snail is doing a great job!”  Poop = snail.  Apparently.)

James doesn’t understand why I am so tickled by this song.  But I definitely am.  (Which is convenient considering it is going to be all poop humor all the time at this house soon.)

I think the chorus has a sort of Too Many Cooks catchiness.

I think the words are really witty.  If you are too scared to go into the wormhole, it TOTALLY makes sense to send your poop inside.  A stinky surprise!

But maybe I’m tickled for the same reason the TLDR hosts love it.  I love that this song exists at all.  It is like if I took the random songs I make up during the day, actually added music, and then shared them with the world.  I don’t think I’ll be doing this, but I love that Farley is.  Things like this make me love the internet all over again.

And that is how podcasts led me to Poop Into A Wormhole.  Maybe I should just stick to drafting real-time posts instead of crafting you 1500 word odysseys that end in poop.

Podcasts led me to Poop into a Wormhole

Do you podcast?  When do you listen?  WHAT do you listen to?  Please let me know; I need to work the formula again!

Thoughts from my Sick 8 Month Old

[This was written earlier.  He’s not sick again.]

Poor little guy.  My baby is having his first real illness.  Fever, cough, and runny nose.  My sleep-deprived little brain put together some thoughts from the baby as I went in to administer his first Tylenol of the day.

Hey, Mom.  Mom.  Mom. MOM.  Where are you going?  Don’t go!  Let’s stay and cuddle.  Come on, you look like you need this.  You look tired and a little out of it and, dare I say, cranky?

Ah, that’s better.  Weren’t you just saying how I never cuddle anymore?  I know I’m all independent and #bossbaby all the time, but I still love you.  Let’s have a cuddle.  This one’s on me.

Ooo, the rocker.  Good call.  Let’s get comfortable.  Not there.  Uh, not there.  Ah, yes.  That’s better, right?  I mean, I’m really comfortable!  Your arm is kind of at a funny angle, but you aren’t moving so we’re cool, right?

You have a lovely singing voice.  Were you classically trained?  NO?!?  Well, it’s beautiful.  Don’t ever stop.  Haha, just kidding.  OK, not really.  Don’t stop.  Did I say stop?

Isn’t this nice?  It’s just like when I was really little and we used to cuddle and watch crap TV and you felt kinda guilty about sending my brother to day care so that we could cuddle and watch crap TV.  It went pretty fast didn’t it?

Haha, nice try, Mom.  I know you think I want to be put back in my crib, but I am willing to make this sacrifice FOR YOU.  Don’t put me down.  You need this cuddle.  I’ll let you cuddle me instead of getting beauty sleep back in my crib.  It’s just my generous nature.  That’s right.  I’m a giver.

Is it time for more Tylenol yet?  No?  Well, that’s OK.  We’ll get through this day together, Mommy.  Promise.  I’ll be with you every step of the way.  I’ll never leave your side!  My brother can take care of himself I’m sure.  Toddlers are known for their resilience and ability to entertain themselves.  You and me.  Let’s have a cuddle.

Friday Funnies

Aren’t internet videos the best?  I swear I could be having the worst day ever, but I could see a crazy cat video and I would perk up at least a little bit.  Sometimes instead of watching TV, James and I just sit and scroll through Uproxx and watch interesting sounding videos.  #cheapdate

I’ve found a critical mass of videos so thought I’d send you off with a laugh into your lovely weekend.  Cheers!

I am not on board with teaser trailers for commercials, but I do heart Mindy Kaling.  Is it really almost the Super Bowl?

Speaking of football, NFL 2015 bad lip reading is out.  I could literally watch this over and over all day.

You know Drunk History?  Well, this is similar, but with kids telling a bible story.  A question for the ages: what would Jesus do about Frozen?

You guys are probably over this, but I am also tickled every time by Salt-N-Pepa’s Geico Push It ad.  #borninthe80s #childofthe90s

I wish there was a video of this.

Wishing you fun, relaxation, and cat videos.

Style This Challenge: Sequin Diaper

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to discuss a pressing fashion emergency.  The Mom Edit points out a pretty neat sale at French Connection: 50% off already reduced items with the code 50Sale.

Not bad, right?   Even though I’m pretty set on my shirts, I decided to poke around.  Plenty of cute stuff, the sort of edgy basics that I like.

But then I stumbled on this:

That’s right.  I can only describe this as a sequined diaper.  French Connection calls it the “Cosmic Sparkle Short.”  I will agree, they are definitely far out.  Out of this world.  From another planet.  OK, I’ll stop.

But seriously, when would you wear these?  How would you wear these?  Even pretending I was a fabulous young thing and not a mother of two–even one who loves her some skinny jeans, what situations in my life would make me think, “you know what would really work here?  My sequin diaper.”

French Connection suggests to “Channel a vintage gymnast look and pair our sequinned Cosmic Sparkle Hot Pants with woolly tights and a fluffy knit.”  I guess it would have to be a short fluffy knit so you could still see the using-this-term-loosely “shorts.”

Maybe these could look edgy under a sheer dress?  Even with tights under, I just have a hard time picturing them standing alone.  Remember the epidemic of “whoops, she forgot her pants” in Hollywood?  I feel like–for better or for worse–leggings as pants are now more accepted.  I haven’t seen as much pearl clutching on this one.  But I have not see sequin diaper as pants being an accepted phenomenon.  Is this a bridge too far?

I love that fashion feels more fun now.  I don’t know if it is style bloggers or cheaper fashion or what, but it seems like things that used to be completely fashion verboten are now complete non-issues.  It feels admittedly silly to type this, but growing up I used to be physically pained at the idea of mixing black and brown.  I once saw a black and brown and navy dress and thought it was one of the most awful things I had ever seen.  Now I wear a camel colored purse every day without even glancing at my (probably black) shoes because they both are just neutrals.  Why wouldn’t they go together?  You know what else I now consider neutrals?  Camouflage.  Stripes.  Floral.  We all have our sartorial threshold, but you have to admit fashion is just more fun now, right?

Fun enough for a sequin diaper?  I guess we shall see.  I couldn’t rock this one, but if you are fabulous enough to do so, I say more power to ya!  (Could you please direct me to your instagram feed?  I imagine you must have photos there of you, stroking a liger, sipping flaming martinis, on a yacht that is circling someone’s private island.)  I have found myself eying sequin leggings recently.  If sequin diapers catch on, sequin leggings will be totally accepted daily momwear, right?

Would you sequin diaper?  If forced to wear a sequin diaper, how would you style it?  Do you agree that fashion is more fun than the shoes-match-purse feelings of yore?

Serenity Now!

A mother’s prayer in a time of (first world) adversity.

Dear Lord,

Please help me to be the mother I want to be when the chips are down,

When the kids are a hacking, snotty, teething mess,

When nothing I can do soothes them or pleases them,

When it rains for (what feels like) 8 days straight.

It is easy to be kind and patient and thoughtful when things are going well,

When they smile and play by themselves,

When they play nicely together,

When they adhere to the nap schedule.

Please grant me patience when they are (unusually) irrational,

Calm when they will not stop yelling, and

Tolerance when they will not let go of my leg.

Please help me to be the mother I want to be when I do not feel well,

When they have infected me (again) and I am a hacking and snotty mess,

When I am tired and would rather lie down than “be the fire truck” (again),

When I feel like I do not have anything left to give.

Please grant me strength to carry their heavy selves when I feel weak,

Perspective to know that these days will not last, and

Cheer during a temporary bout of illness.

Please help my instinct be to smile instead of yell,

Hug instead of sigh, and

Laugh instead of Cry.

(And if you could help everyone feel better again soon, that would also be amazeballs.)

Amen