Kids are pretty much like little aliens

Captain’s Log, Stardate 47634.44

I have observed the life form now for the past 14.5 months.  The last two months have brought unprecedented developmental changes in the being, hereinafter referred to as the Miniature Adult-like Creature, or M.A.C.

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13 Months

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14 Months

M.A.C. appears to have bypassed crawling on hands and knees in the manner of a human infant and commenced walking.  The walk, although unsteady, occurs most often with an assistance device (such as a human hand), but with increasing frequency unaided.  In fact, I have had the unsettling experience of believing the M.A.C. to be stationary, only to find that he is following me across the room.  The creature appears most likely to walk without assistance when passing between two people with which he is familiar.  His walk appears to be aided by keeping his mouth open and his tongue protruding.  At this moment, M.A.C. cannot come to a standing position on his own, but I suspect that this feat is not far off.  At this point, I must notify the caretakers to undertake full captivity precautions.

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Beam me up, Ladies.

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Although observers frequently question the gender of the M.A.C., he is undoubtedly male.  This confusion is likely related to the cherubic chubbiness, rosebud complexion, blue eyes, and blonde curling hair of the life form.  [Captain’s Note:  commercial opportunities may be available for the M.A.C.  A baby-like creature who does not crawl away could be desirable for video production.]

M.A.C. also exhibits marked improvement in communication.  Although his diction is somewhat lacking, he can pronounce words such as “Dada” and “ball.”  I believe he attempts to say “brother,”  but he is stingy with usage of “mama.”  Confusingly, M.A.C. refers to many things as bubbles.  These can include pictures of bubbles, soap bubbles, and all water.  Our hypothesis is that his frequent consumption of sparkling water suggests to him that all water has “bubbles.”  M.A.C. uses his substantial cheeks to make a “blub blub” noise to request a book that he enjoys.  I postulate that he is attempting words such as “cavallo” and “yellow,” but these words show advancement far beyond his other vocabulary and are likely a misunderstanding on the part of the listener.  He also frequently engages in nonverbal communication such as walking into a room and pointing at a desired object, such as a container of “puff” snacks on top of the refrigeration unit.

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The M.A.C. is a keen observer of human behavior and makes ready attempts to mimic caretaker actions.  For example, he will stick his finger in his mouth to crudely attempt a popping noise when viewing others doing so.  I hesitate to let my report be clouded by emotion, but it is, to be frank, adorable.

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Attempts to civilize the M.A.C. have been met with mixed success.  On the one hand, M.A.C. has gained proficiency in the use of both fork and spoon.  (Our research team has decided–wisely in my opinion–not yet to test the M.A.C.’s capabilities with a knife.)  On the other hand, even after dining in the desired fashion, M.A.C. will throw food and utensils to the floor and dribble liquid down his chin without explanation.  He will also strike his caretakers and even bite them, often laughing while doing so.  This is particularly disconcerting because M.A.C. now has eight teeth with additional pain units poised to sprout any time.  Our early attempts to combat this behavior have shown little result, but we will continue with every effort to repudiate this troubling development.

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M.A.C. appears to enjoy interaction with both toys and other human children.  He seems to tire of books after turning the first few pages and will repeat this process with a stack of books before he exhibits satisfaction.  He is generally docile in play, except when a play item is taken form him.  M.A.C. also appears to enjoy music and will bounce with enthusiasm when a song is detected.

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Although Star Fleet suggests that we should pursue other investigations, I strongly advise that further observation of M.A.C. is needed.  With such unheralded developments in only a matter of weeks, there is no telling what additional progress we may witness.

P.S.  Want to relive the epic Mac saga? Mac at 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, 8 months, 9 months, 10 months, 11 months, and one year.



3 thoughts on “Kids are pretty much like little aliens

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